Since the start of the school term, Ace has been whining and complaining cos our neighbours are suddenly not available for playtime. Usually, Ace would come home, have a snack and start to do some work. His reward for his hard work is that he gets to play with the neighbours for half an hour or an hour.. depending on how fast he finishes up.
But since the start of the school term, JH's parents no longer allow him to play in the evenings because he has lots of homework from school to complete. J is no longer interested in playtime because she discovered that there is some cartoon program that she likes during that time and she would rather stay home and watch tv.
So almost everyday, my son comes home and whines about how he do homework also not rewarded, no one wants to play with him...blah blah blah, blah blah blah..
I reminded him that firstly, when he does homework, the only aim is TO LEARN. Not really for playing.. to be able to play is extra.
Secondly, I asked him to think back on how he survived, months ago when he didn't know them well and did not have any play times in the afternoons.... i asked him to put himself in my shoes as a mummy... "If your son didn't get to go out and play and he is happy.. but later when you allow him to go out and play, he always comes home whiny.. as a mummy, will you start to think maybe it is a better idea not to let him go out and play? Do you think that is what I might think? And do you want me to put that into action?"
He says he wants to go and play but he still gives me some whiny face....
So I decided to try a different strategy.
I asked Ace, "Ace, once upon a time, there is a very poor boy living in a very poor place. He was so poor he had barely enough to eat and he didn't have all these toys that you have and all the books you have.. But he was happy... Why is the boy happy?'
Ace: Because he had alot of friends to play with him even though he had no money.
Me: Ok, let's say he had no money and his friends, like yours, were also too busy to play with him, but he was still happy.. why is the boy happy?
Ace: because he has his parents and that is what is most important...
Me: So you also have parents right? Are we important to you? If so, why are you unhappy and why is the boy happy?
Ace: Because the boy loves his parents and that is all that is most important in the whole world...
Me: Yes, you are very right. I am sure you love us too, do you not? So why are you unhappy and why is the boy happy?
Ace: Because he can make a different choice and go out and play with other people or other friends... But it is different for me, I have no one else to play with. JH doing homework and J is watching TV and A also says she doesnt wat to play with me.
Me: Let's say the boy also cannot find other people to play with him.. why is he happy?
Ace: Can you stop asking me why the boy is happy? I know what you want to say lah..
Me: What do you think I want to say?
Ace: Don't let other people decide whether I am happy or not.
Me: Yes.. Ace, happiness is not given, it is a choice. The only person who can choose to be happy or not is ourselves. When we let what other people do or don't do decide whether we are happy or not, we are giving them the power to control us and our emotions. if your friends cannot play with you, just like the boy, you can still choose to be happy. You can do other things. You can play kinect, read a book, watch tv. Happiness is not given, it is a choice. I will let you think about that, if you still decide you want to let other people decide whether you would be happy, that is fine by me but I would much rather prefer a happy son than a grumpy one.
And then i went to make my dinner. Somehow it seemed to work. That he had to answer the question of why the boy was happy also set him thinking... He came out of the room a few minutes later all smiles again and tried to talk to me and then he started to giggle a little and he went, "Oopsy, I am still supposed to be grumpy..." But he couldnt help it and we all laughed out loud together.
The next day, J didn't wat to play with him again but he did not come back home still his dinner time. "Mummy, today J also did not want to play with me but I did not get upset. Since she did not want to play and wanted to watch cartoon, I sat down and watched cartoon with her lor."
I told him I am very proud of him and gave him a hug.
Anyway, the thing I observed about life is this.. if you are a bitch and throw tantrum, life becomes a bitch too and all the more you dun get the something you want. If you take it easy, things you want just come to you and all you need to do is just receive and be grateful.. The next day, before Ace could finish his homework, J came and rang our bell to check when Ace can go out and play with her:) wahahhaaha..
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