Monday, November 11, 2013

I Have Lots Of Friends!

Even though Ace is quite a personable person and it seems to me that most people enjoy being with him... since young, my son has always come home from school and complained that he has no friends or that no one likes him.

Initially I was concerned and will ask his teachers about it. But his teachers says he is a hit with his friends. And then I also observed him at parties and gatherings and discovered that he gets along with all of his classmates very well. But I have also noticed that he likes to keep to a clique and stay in a clique. Usually, his clique is just one or more person and he seems unwilling to accept other people into the clique. So I guess it is because of his attitude that he sees the world this way.

I find it strange though because Ace seems so at ease with all my friends and is always kind and caring towards younger children... But well, perhaps it is cos he is an only child and has no need to learn to negotiate his way around or play in a group since he spends lots of time with my friends who are adults and will definitely give in to him.

After a while, whenever he complains to me, I just listen and point out to him that he has many good friends like so and so ...

Even Max knows about this because he has also heard him complain about no one liking him or him not having friends before.

Sometimes, we just joke with him and tell him it is just not possible for him to be a unlikable and friendless person because his parents are SUPER LIKEABLE WITH TONNES OF GOOD FRIENDS!:) Hahahahaa...

Ace, however, persists  and insists that he is friendless... or that he only has a few friends.. or just that only a few people like him. I used to be very disturbed by this but over time, I got used to this and well.. just accept that that is the way he chooses to see the world...

Today though, while we were chatting, Ace excitedly told me in mandarin... "我有很多朋友,他们都很喜欢我!“

I was a little surprised and quite pleased.. and so I just told him that it is great!

Afterward, I was discussing about this with Max. "I was also very surprised. This is the first time I hear him say that.." Max exclaimed.

In retrospect, I think perhaps Ace has finally learnt to see the world differently. Since he started Year 4, it seems to me that every few weeks, he will come home and tell me that he has made one new friend today. And after a few days, he would say this particular new friend is a good friend now. Perhaps he is finally able to expand his social circle...

He also got to know someone he did not like in Year 3 better and became fast friends with him... When he told me that this person is his good friend now.. I just smiled and reminded him that I ever told him that when you get to know someone better, you will usually learn to love them and like them.. that is why it is important to give people a chance and get to know them better...

Anyway, I am hoping to hear more of such delcarations from him and looking forward to finally seeing Ace make some improvement in the social aspect.

PS: One day, Ace came home and declared to me that he is now better at working in a team. He says he has learnt to listen to other people and accept their opinions. I told him it is great that he is improving in this area because this is an important thing in life.  think maybe his teacher told him that lah.. but still I suspect only a in progress thingy.. cos he will still get upset if his classmates criticizes his work and wants to change his ideas...

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