Monday, February 29, 2016
Can You Come And Hug Hug Me?
Recently, it seems to me that he is happy to go to bed by himself while he usually will ask if I can go into his room... Judging from his sleepy head face in the morning, I suspect he must have been secretly watching youtube on his phone before bedtime... hahahaha...
But leh, when I have time, I still make it a point to go lie down with him and chit chat a little before bedtime. These moments are when he will usually open up and share his more intimate thoughts with me.
Today though, our routine was all messed up because tomorrow he has a chinese mini test that he has to study for.. he also could not find 3 of the library books he borrowed that are due tomorrow... and he just kenna a big nagging/scolding from me for not packing his room cos I have been nicely telling him to please pack his room for a few weeks and I finally could not take it anymore and took a paperbag , threw all his favorite toys on the floor in and told him it is a competition to see who can pack faster. If I am faster, too bad for him, these toys are going to a new home called the dustbin..
Sadly, only under threats did my son start to pack his room and by the time he was done and found his books, finished his revision and did his chanting for tomorrow's test, it was bedtime and so he said goodnight and went to bed.
About 15 minutes later, I heard the door knob turn... Ace walked out and told me, "Mummy, I cannot sleep.. can you come in and pat pat me?"
And then the moment I lie down and patted him, he started talking!
Turns out that he could not sleep because something was weighing on his mind.
He told me this morning, when he was in school, when he was about to cross his leg, his teacher (actually is his P3 form teacher) who was walking past him tripped over the bag behind him (which I think is his school bag) and fell. He felt sooooooooooooo bad because she had injured her leg and her leg is still in a cast and her cast kicked his bag or something... and then he went to ask if his teacher is OK and started crying.. and because he felt so guilty and so bad, he lashed out at his classmates who instead of keeping a seat for him, put a newspaper there cos he felt that if they had kept the seat for him, he would not have been sitting there and his teacher would have fallen.
And so... he cried and cried .... and later, his teacher talked to him and told him that she is ok already and that he should stop crying....
I could not help but laugh out loud. I told him I think Mrs R very poor thing cos not only did she fall, she even have to console other people after that:) hahahaha....
But I understood that he needed my support and so I told him that it was an accident and that no body wanted it to happen. And since Mrs R already said she is ok, he should forgive himself.
He then told me he was disturbed because many of his friends kept talking about this and the rumour became like his teacher even broke her head.. and then many people came and asked him why he is crying or whether his teacher fell because of him...
So I told him that the reason why he is feeling very upset at all that is really just because he felt very guilty because of this. But this is an accident. Yes, we have to be accountable for what happens to us... so for him to lash out at his friends over the newspaper because of this is very uncool because it implies that other people are at fault...
But leh, while we have to be accountable, we have to learn our lesson and forgive ourselves. This is very important. Because after we forgive ourselves, we wun feel bad in our hearts then no matter what other people say, we will not feel upset at all because the guilt is no longer there.
Plus, his teacher already told him he is ok.. so he should learn his lesson, forgive himself.. because feeling guilty is not helpful for him.. and not even helpful for his teacher. Only when he forgives himself can he truly use all his heart to send love and blessings to his teacher to help her leg get better.
And he said OK and asked for more hugs... hahahaha:)
Now that the load is off his chest, he says he can sleep already:)
I told him he is very silly lor.. come home can tell me liao.. why wait so long till cannot sleep then come and tell me:) hahahaha...
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