Guilt

The other time, I talked about my own guilt as a mother.

I think children have their own guilt too.

Therefore, when your children make mistakes, please do not punish them too bad. Be firm but not cruel. (Note, scolding them viciously is ALSO considered a form of punishment.) They already are aware and everytime they do something wrong, they feel guilt as well.

Some of them keep this guilt and punish themselves for the rest of their lives!

I have ever heard of a true story of a person who uglified himself and made himself friendless and lonely for his whole life. During a psychology healing process, he divulged that he did all that just because when he was in his mum's tummy, his mother felt sick and went to see a doctor.

The doctor examined the patient and told her, "There is a parasite in your body..." and the poor fetus thought the doctor was referring to HIM! (Yes, fetuses have feelings and can feel and hear what the mother hears and feels) So poor thing and he felt so guilty for making his mother sick that he punished himself for the rest of his life for it!

I bring out this point because I noticed a very strange thing.

When Ace hurts someone (albeit usually accidentally) and that person gets very upset, he will start to look grumpy and angry. I think he will feel such strong emotions (he looks so angry he will clench is jaws and his fists and go "Grrrr") that he will start to do things like hit the person or pull their hair.

I thought about it for a very long time and I think it is guilt. As he could not handle this very negative feeling, he expressed it out in the form of anger. (Anger is very often used to cover guilt. If you see people who are always so angry. They are just feeling guilty.)

How do I know?

Firstly, it is from my half past six POV knowledge. (Based on the model by renowned psychologist, Chuck Spezzano)

Secondly, he lets go or stops if I tell him that I love him and forgive him. And after that, he tells me, "pain pain... " and then pats that area that is hurt and says, "sayang.."

Thirdly, if he hits me and I have no reaction of pain, he doesn't think he has hurt me. "Pain pain?" he will ask me. "Nope," I will tell him and he stops.

But if I scream out in pain, he will hit me or pull my hair harder.

Strangely though, mostly he attempts such negative actions to get attention from us. He only does this if:

• everyone is talking to each other but ignores him
• he sees people doing loving actions to each other like hug and he is not included

Strangely also, he only 'attacks' people very close to him like next of kin... so far, ah yee, me, daddy, waipo, waigong have all been victims...

Well, as I heal, I hope he heals too ;)

Previous Post: Good Natured Ace