Wednesday, March 30, 2011

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Ever since grandma has dementia, her memory has slowly be deteriorating... it is currently so bad now tat when my sis went to her house to visit her, after she left, she scolded her helper and asked her why she allowed strangers to come into her house... when her helper told her that "that is your granddaughter..", she said, "Rubbish! My grandaughter is still very young..." Anyway, ny aunty tries to help her remember things by keeping an album of pictures.. That is my grandma when she was a young girl.. together with her siblings... That is her when she was older.. This cute and handsome guy is my dad... That is my dad and mum... My mum so pretty when she was young right? That's my parent's wedding photo... Who do I look like? This cute baby is ME!
And as i grow up, I get even CUTER!:) look like Ace or not? My first birthday... And my son asked me why there isn't any photo of him. I told him it is because he was not born yet when these photos were taken.. so leh, not wanting to be left out, he drew a picture of himself licking a lollipop and put it into the photo album...


Previous Post: Wah Meng Ti!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Wah Meng Ti!

You know how the Taiwanese Drama serial Ai has got this famous song.. WAH MENG TI which loosely translated from hokkien means "I ask the heavens"

Yesterday, my son had a little Wah Meng Ti saga before he slept... We were playing with each other and then he started singing some sort of song about how he is going to pee and da bian on mummy.. and so I told him I dun want to listen to his songs anymore because after all i have done for him, all he wants is to pee on me.. so that makes me very sad...

Immediately he started to sing a new tune with new lyrics about how you have to take care of your mummy... you have to hug her alot and kiss her alot everyday.. you have to clean the floor so that she will not fall sick... you have to be good to her and you have to love her and you have to massage her...

And as he continued singing.. he went into singing about "I love my mummy because she takes care of me everyday.... But I am so sad.. my daddy cannot take care of me.. My heart is broken into two because my daddy is not here, he cannot take care of me and I cannot see him and i want to cry..." At this point, he started to rub his eyes... and I could see tears forming at the edge of his eyes...

"Why he dun come back... I always do so many naughty things and so he is angry.. so he dun want to come back.. but I work so hard.. why he still not back.. why I cannot be happy.. why only mummy take care of me, why daddy not here to take care of me.... "Why Daddy laoban is so bad.. always lie to us daddy can come back... why daddy is so mean to me.. why he dun want to come back and make me happy?"

And then he continued... "Why do i have a future like this... why is my future not with my daddy.... why I dun have happy family.. why I must be sad and cry for my daddy... why I work so hard and do my best to make everyone happy but my daddy dun want to make me happy and come back?"

And so he ended his song with a loud brawl and he ended up sobbing uncontrollably for the next 5-10 minutes.

Intermittenly during his sobbing, he would ask me why he has to have this future.. why he has to have this life.. why he has to be sad.. why he do so much and work so hard to make every one happy, daddy still does not want him to be happy and dun want him to come back? "What can I do? What more can I do to be happy? What can I do to ask daddy to come back?" he asked me....

"Why I cannot be happy.. whenever I do happy things, I think of my daddy and I cry because I miss him so much... Why? Why I have a future and have a life like this? Why i cannot be happy??"

When he cooled down and stopped crying, I explained to him that daddy misses him too and daddy definitely wants to be with him... And I told him that if there is one thing he did not do, he did not tell daddy himself what he wants daddy to do... "Can you sms daddy about me and tell him what I said just now tomorrow?" he asked me. I told him I would do that and requested that he go and tell his dad what he feels and thinks from his heart because if you never tell other people, you cannot expect others to understand how you feel...

I also took the chance to explain to him that whatever happens in our lives, happens because we want it to happen.. it is not really anybody else's fault... daddy is not here because we also choose for daddy not to be here.. "But I choose for daddy to be in Singapore what... I want him to be here with me..." he said...

Seeing that he didn't understand still what I meant, I asked him if he would prefer for us to fly to dubai the next day to be with daddy? " "Yes!" he nodded his head fervently. I told him we have many things to settle before we can go over and be with daddy even if we want to go over..

"Okie, mummy, I will give you time. I give you one day. can you settle all the things and after one day, we go and visit daddy?"

"Well, one day is not enough, Ace. Daddy has not even had a confirmation from his boss and we still dunno what will happen yet..." Anyway, I gave him big big hug and he said he felt better to sleep..

The next morning when he woke, I asked him if he had a good nights sleep.. "Nope... because I cried.."

"Do you feel better now after I already sayang you?" "Mmm... I still miss daddy a little..." which means he is still a little sad but at least he was smiling...

Sigh... to think he tahan till one and a half month then have this second melt down is not bad liao..

I predict another 2-3 more such outbursts before he will have a chance to meet his dad....

Previous Post: I Want To Talk About Daddy

Monday, March 28, 2011

I Want To Talk About Daddy

Life has a strange way of recurring in cycles...

Somehow, ever since Max has gone away, we are perpetually trapped in a cycle of us deciding that we will stay apart and wait for max to come back in a FEW MONTHS TIME... and then I will start looking for a full time job and then Max will bring back news about how things have changed in his company and then he might need to stay on for much longer... and then we play around with the idea of us shifting over to Dubai again... and then I stop my job search... and when I stop, things change and it seems like Max coming home soon ....

In short, it is just a cycle of expectations, disappointment, hopeful expectations, disappointments and with every new hope being dashed, I learnt one thing.. that we have to respect our lives and do what we want to do... and not follow the flow and do what other people want us to do... If we do not respect our power of choice, other people will step all over us and do what is best for THEM.

We are currently at the part of the cycle where Max's boss wants to keep him there for another year (I really doubt it will be JUST ONE YEAR MORE cos since when do bosses keep their promises and make YOUR benefit their first priority?), and so after contemplating for a while, I told my mum about this possibility...

My mum didnt take it too well. The recent libyan wars and japanese tsunami incidents have made her very worried and upset... so I guess it was bad timing to receive this news. Usually she just listens and keeps quiet but this time round, she was upset enough to say, "Hai, why dun you ask Max to come back.. dunno what you all are thinking.. the world is so messy now and there is war in Libya and it is so dangerous... if Max comes back, whole family will reunite liao.. you all go over still away from your family..." and she drifted off at this point.. and when i looked at her face, I saw that her eyes were turning red and that there were tears glistening in her eyes..

Perhaps Ace overheard our conversation, so in the night before we slept, Ace said that he wanted to have a talk with me...

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked him. And he said that he wanted to talk about Daddy lor... I asked him why and he said, "Because I love him lah.."

And then Ace asked me if I could ask daddy to come back to Singapore... "Tell daddy to come back to Singapore.. he can make new friends here and then he can find new job lah..."

I told Ace if he goes to Dubai, he can make new friends too.. and so he says Daddy can make new friends as well... And then Ace asked me to tell his dad that he does not want to go do Dubai because he wants to see Yeye, Nai Nai, Popo, Gong gong, Zhen Popo, Ah Yee, Net net, Lao ma, Lao Ghou, Sarina Jie Jie everyday...

I told him I will tell his dad tat when I next talk to him.. "And you dun forget to tell him that I love him okie?"

After a while, he asked me again.. "Can you ask daddy to come back or not? Last time we are happy family but now we are no longer happy family already.. because daddy is not here, we two are so sad..."

After a thoughtful pause though, he asked me seriously... "Mummy, why we keep asking daddy to come back but he dun want to come back? Is it because he dun want to be together with us?" I explained to him that of cos daddy wants to be with us and he misses us so bad he tears sometimes missing us.. it is just tat daddy's boss needs his help and if daddy comes back now, there will be no one helping him in office....

And then after thinking for a while, he says he wants to tell me a story and his story goes like this..

Once upon a time, there was a botak man called Max. He has a wife called Angel and a son called Ace. One day, Max went over to Dubai his work but his lao ban is very bad and dun let him come back.. so Angel is very sad. Ace is very angry and he scold the lao ban. Then the laoban is very scared and he let Max come back and they are together and very happy and Ace is a super hero!

I told Ace that is a nice story but I hope that he understands that in real life, scolding people will not change or help matters.. the only thing it does is let the person you scold know you are very unhappy... but tat is not really very productive... and his reply..

"Yeah, I know.. this is fake life.. not real life.. it is just a story..."


But he was still upset because he feels tat the boss has cheated us.. (actually I am guilty of this perception because that is how I explained why daddy is not home yet to him.. cos tat is MY perception.. Max is not too happy about it but i told him if he wanted to change this perception, go talk to his son himself..) Ace keeps being told Daddy is coming back soon but then daddy cannot come back again because his boss "cheated" on us and changed their minds...

I tried to explain to him why Max's boss needs Max there by asking him to put himself in his shoes. "If you had alot of work to do and someone who can help you alot called Max.. will you want to keep him in Dubai to help you or will you send him home to Singapore?" I asked him.. Ace agreed that he would want to keep Max there too if he were the boss...

"So can you forgive him?" I asked Ace..

"Aiyah, tomorrow then talk about this lah.. today I am very tired liao, I want to sleep liao.."

Hahaha.. I dunno where he learnt tat from and dunno whether to luff or cry...

Previous Post: Love Letter From Ace

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Love Letter From Ace

Love letter from Ace to Max...

It says: I love you Max. Why you go to dubai? I want to play with you.



A simple but powerful letter filled with love... This says, "Dad I love you. Come back to Singapore. I love you." (That is Ace waiting at the airport...) Another day, he starts to declare his loves in letters again and even paste all these letters on the door of our room.. hahaha

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

How Can Other People Give You Flowers?

In memory of our 7th anniversary for our ROM, Max sent me some roses with a sweet message... The flowers arrived in the afternoon while Ace was in school and so when came back, he saw the flowers...

During dinner, he told me, "I saw that daddy gave you flowers..."

"How did you know the flowers were mine?" I asked him..

And then he said he took a peep into the card and saw my name on it. "Then how did you know is daddy who gave me flowers? Can't someone else give me flowers?" I asked him..

"Cannot lah! Of cos is daddy lah.. you and daddy married so daddy can give you flowers... if someone else gives you flowers, I will ask the policeman to catch him and lock him up in jail..." he said indignantly...

When I told Max the story, Max says Ace is a very good boy.. wahahahahahaha:)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I Was Dreaming, Why Didn't You Wait For Me?

I have been g0ing jogging with a long lost JC friend. As my friend does not like sunlight much, we usually met up to jog/walk in the early morning at 7 am every weekday... On the sunday before the one week school holidays, I told Ace that if he woke and saw that I was not around, it means I went jogging. He said he wanted to come along too and I told him that I could try to wake him but if he does not wake, I will leave without him. So on Monday morning, i woke at 7am, brushed my teeth, switched on the lights, asked Ace to wake, kissed him and since he merely turned himself over and stretched and went back to slee, I left for my walk. Halfway through my walk my son called crying.... He asked me why I did not wait for him and I told him that I tried to wake him and even turned on the lights and he did not wake, that is why I left.. And still crying, he said, "I was dreaming mah... that is why I did not wake.. why didn't you wait for me?" Duh??!!! Anyway, the end result was that I made him promise to stop crying and go brush his teeth, I would pick him up when I finished my walk and bring him to market to eat breakfast... When I reached the void deck, there he was already waiting.. with a pout on his face.. because he wanted to run at the stadium.. so I brought him tot he stadium to run another two rounds before we went to eat breakfast... he not bad lor.. first found he finished in like 2 minutes plus a little bit.. very fast.. like bullet like tat.. second round leh... he started to feel tired and slow down and even fell down.. wahahahahaha Afterward, brought him to market to eat his favourite "yellow noodles" and he finished 90% of it all by himself! :) Then he wanted to go again the next day because he wanted to be with me and by day 3 though, he discovered it is much better to stay in bed and said he din want to go anymore because "very tired".. hahahahahah Previous Post: To Trust Or Not To Trust

Monday, March 21, 2011

To Trust Or Not To Trust

Whenever I talk to friends who do not have kids of their own, many a times, many of them try to tell me what to do or what not to do based on their logic... I guess I might have been guilty of that before I was a mother too ;)

However, what many of these people do not understand is that while it is nice to have logical theories, (and most parents already have their own set of theories and philosophies) it is quite another to put it into practice..

I brought Ace to a birthday party the other day and I noticed that one of his classmates has grown from a gentle, timid little boy into quite a big aggressive bully. Now that he is much taller, he is also more aggressive. He is always looking to get into fights, always pushing someone else, hitting someone else, kicking others on the sly and snatching other people's toys.. Even though his dad was present (but bz chatting with other parents).

As a rule, I do not interfere with how my son interact with his friends. I usually only watch, observe and discuss with him about it later. So when I saw how Ace was pushed and kicked... It took my every last ounce of willpower not to say anything and just watch and see how Ace reacts.

Most of the time, Ace actually doenst mind and takes it good naturedly... unless it got too much, Ace might want to push or fight back... Since he does not seem to mind and he did not really come to harm, I decided I will grin and bear with it and have a talk with him about it later to find out how he feels.

My teacher said that we have to put trust in our children that they will handle it and settle it themselves but sometimes, this is hard to do:) During the party, the balloon man told the children that they were allowed one balloon per kid. Ace made his balloon sword and left it beside his seat when they went to the cake cutting and before I knew it, Ace and the little boy K were caught in a scuffle. I broke them up and told Ace not to fight. So Ace went back to his seat and he realized his sword was missing and then I realized that K took Ace's sword and Ace was just fighting to get back his sword...

Upon seeing that his sword is really missing, Ace started to cry... I told him not to cry and that if he wanted his sword, he should go and get it from K himself. I even told him what to say.. and that he should tell K "Can I have my sword back. This sword belongs to me..." But he just cried and cried.. and then K came by and so I asked him, "Can you return Ace's sword to him?" "But but but.." K tried to explain... and at this moment, Ace tried to fight K to get his sword back again... I asked Ace to stop and let K explain... "But I need two swords and Ace left his sword here, that is why I took it..." K explained..

"If you need two swords, you should go to the balloon man to get one more... if you take Ace's sword, he will have no sword, the balloon said only one balloon each, right?" I told him... trying my best to control the "how dare you bully my son" burning anger inside me and remember that I am the mature adult who has a good chance of showing positive example and giving good guidiance...

Interestingly, he realized that I made sense and so he returned Ace the sword and went to asked for another sword. Anyway, he asked for 4, 5 balloons in total cos everytime he saw someone have something he doenst have, he tries to bully or push his way around to get it and he kept going back to the balloon man to ask for MORE balloons.. I noticed also that pple who are firm tend to get to keep their toys and balloons as K will eventually back off. I thought though that he might be mad at me.. but instead, he realized tat I am good and protecting things and later asked if I could protect is "atomic bomb" for him... which I good naturedly did until I went home..

On a side note, the party made me realize that Ace is not very good when it comes to listening to instructions... he is always one step slower when it comes to listening for instructions and maybe because the prizes at the games are not attractive, he is actually most of the time good naturedly participating in the games and not even seemingly upset when everyone has won some sort of prize except him.. because he was either not fast enough or did not understand what was going on. In fact, I was really impressed because they were playing simon says and even though it meant that he had a chance to win a prize, even if the party host din see him make the mistake, he would raise his hands to tell him that he raised his hands... Very honest little boy indeed.. and many of his classmates were like tat tooo...

And the other children are always FIGHTING for a chance to win prizes and my son is just happy to participate. I cant decide if this is good or bad.. hahahaha:) Good sportsmanship but lack of ambition is well, depends on how you look at it... But interestingly, Ace likes sports cars like porshes and BMW so he should rightfully be a pursuer who chases after his dreams.

I had a talk with him on our way home and realized it was also because the prizes that were given out were things he already had, so he was not really interested to win them. We talked about K and I reminded Ace that crying will not help to solve matters but talking to K did. And notice that I did it firmly.. so K finally returned his sword. I asked him about why K kicked him and he did nothing and he said, "we were just playing a kungfu game and it was not painful.. " I guess I should trust Ace, his good nature sometimes has a way of unravelling the toughest knots.

K and Ace were friends again at the end of the party and sharing toys again... I am however worried for K and how he might fare in primary school and why he has grown to become this way. His parents are mostly supportive and always with him when he attends school events or parties... they seem to be very good natured and have very comfortable lives (I have seen the dad in a few diff high end cars).

But then again, as per the title of this post, I will put my trust in K in that he will become more mature as he grows and move out of this phase and go back to his sweet natured self.

Previous Post: About Love