I Feel Like I Am In Prison!

A few days ago, on our way to school, Ace was telling me that these few days have not been too good for him because he keeps getting scolded in school again..

When I asked him for more details, he says that he does not want to talk about it because everytime he talks about it, he will feel very upset and angry. I told him I respect his wishes and left it at that.

And a few days later, I asked him about it again and he said he is not ready to talk about it.

So last night, before bedtime, I was chatting with him and I brought up the subject again. I told him that I respect that he might not want to tell me about it.. but I am just talking about it again because I want to remind him that if he ever wants to share more, I am always ready to listen.

So he paused to think, and decided that he will tell me... And so his story goes like this...

A group of NUS students came to his school and conducted some sort of special music lesson for the children. So other than the NUS students, one of their school teachers stayed in the music room with them.

They were singing songs and asked to try different ways to express the song with feeling. The NUS students asked them to sing the song, If You Are Happy And You Know It... and instead of clapping their hands, they were asked to scream. The NUS students said they have to scream in such a way that their scream will show FEAR.

And so they did a test run and so Ace did a scared scream.. which is a loud scream and to him, is a pretty normal scream since he is used to dramatics. His school teacher in the room said he was screaming too loud...

So the NUS student asked them to try it again and reminded them to do it a little softer. So Ace did the scream again.. but a little softer this time... and they completed the lesson. But he noticed that during this time, he teacher kept pointing her phone at them and took pictures of them.. and she seemed to be pointing her phone at the children she has singled out for scolding previously during the session...

At the end of the lesson, the teacher singled out a few children and asked them to see the music HOD and Ace was among those singled out. Then leh, the music HOD gave them a scolding.. cos apparently these children were talking and not paying attention in class. Ace was wondering why he was singled out since he was paying attention and was not talking when the HOD suddenly said to him, "And you, Ace, I heard you were going crazy!"

Wham bam! My son same as me... 最讨厌被人冤枉 .. so he was really hurt because in his words, "Why am I being scolded for doing something that I was asked to do? Why am I being scolded for following instructions well?"

And I think he was really upset that the teacher said he was "crazy"....

And it seems even his friends noticed that he was unfairly scolded.. his friend E, after the scolding said to Ace, "It is so unfair... why did the teacher scold you.. she scold me, ok lah, I deserved it, but why did she scold you when you did nothing wrong?"

I asked him why did he not stand up for himself and tell the teacher that.. "What for, if I say anything, my teacher will just give us more scolding and I will just get into more trouble.. But I feel really sad and felt like crying.." he said.

Actually, I also felt that the teacher's response was inappropriate. If the students are asked to scream, why should they be penalized for whatever they feel "frightened" should be expressed. They should accept whichever expression of a frightened scream no matter what.

Most importantly, as a teacher, everything you say really means alot to students. How can a teacher say that a student is going crazy? She could say he screamed very loud and ask why he was so loud.. but why did she use the word crazy?

I asked Ace if he will be ok if I sent an email to the school to feedback. He says he wants to let it slide but he says if the teachers do it again, he will like me to feedback to the school.

Then Ace started to get really upset and said that he really doesnt enjoy learning from the teachers in Singapore.

"They make everything so not fun! Everyday, all they do is to scold us... use threats and use extreme words like.. threaten to tell our parents, threaten to punish us to stay back in school till 7pm.. How can they keep threatening us?? How is that different from someone who kidnaps your child and say..."If you dun give me money.. I am going to kill your child!" "

I asked him why Ms R in Dubai was strict but he doesnt mind.

"Because in Dubai, even the very strict teachers always scold us for a reason... here, the teachers sometimes scold us and scream at us for no good reason... "

"You know mummy.. even the nice teachers... who are funny.. when they are angry.. they really scream and shout so loud at us... and threaten not to talk to us...or to report to the principal... how can they do that... you know mummy, studying in Singapore, I feel like I am in prison!"

"I feel so sorry tat you had to feel this way in school.." I told him while giving him a hug...

At this point, he started to cry and then he asked me, "Why do Singapore teachers talk like that?! Don't they know that we students also have feelings and our hearts will be hurt when they talk like that?!"

Then he continued, "Did you know. even the fun teachers I had.. even XX, even him.. even he talks like this!!!" he said while crying.. and he gave me an example of what one of his teachers said..

I asked him.. from the example, it seems the teacher was talking to someone else and threatening someone else and not him.. why does he feel so strongly about it...

"Because mummy, we are all the same! We all got eyes and nose and mouth... everyone is the same.. we have the same organs.. ok..maybe boys and girls a little different when it comes to organs.. but we are all the same... Even though XX was talking to YY and I dont really like YY, YY is still the same and I dun wish for anyone to talk to YY like tat too!"

So I gave him a big big hug and told him I hope he feels better after sharing what he has been keeping in his heart.

When he was cooled down, I explained to him tat perhaps his teachers did not use the best strategy but it is not so easy for them here in Singapore because they have to face so many students and also the quality of students here and their background is different from the international school. The amount of parent support is also a little different so I hope that given time, he will be able to forgive his teachers.

But I do feel sad when I heard that this is how he feels about the teachers in Singapore.

Today, he asked if I could go fetch him as he was going for a dental appointment... so I went. As he was taking quite long, I was seated outside...and I observed a situation where a group of students had returned from a swim lesson..

One girl apparently pulled a dangerous prank on her friends and she kenna a very fierce and loud scolding... plus punishment of having to write I will not xxx the next day... what is more, one teacher scolded, the other by the side also scold some more..

I couldn't help but wonder how the girl will be treated or taught if we were in Horizon school. For one, I know in Horizon, this scolding would have taken place one to one in a private place...  and instead of a I will not xxx, teacher will have a talk with her about why what she did was wrong and dangerous and she will be expected to write an apology letter during break time.

Ace and I have been reading Totochan-The Little Girl At The Window as our bedtime reading and I couldnt help but feel envious of the students in Tomoe school that the female protagonist went to. How I wish a school like this still existed and that Ace could have a chance to study there.

Anyway, my observation is that Singaporean teachers behave how most Singaporean parents will behave and Dxb teachers behave how their parents will behave. Perhaps the difference in reaction is rooted in a cultural difference. But I think it is also rooted in a lack of confidence of the adults in Singapore to use any other way to guide their children other than threats...

Anyway, mental note to self-- less threats, communicate more. I am aware my son is moving to a new chapter in life and old methods to communicate with him may not be feasible anymore. But still, I was surprised at his outburst and the very intricate thoughts that he had about the issue... Hope Ace feels better soon and learns to take things in his stride. Changes in the education climate here will take place I feel but will take time:) I think when I have a chance, I am going to ask him to list the things he like about school so that he can put his focus on happier things:)

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