Remember how Ace's teacher called me because he did not let me sign his compo file? He finally sorted it out BUT he did not get all his corrections done and so I asked him to do little by little because he accumulated too many to do all one shot.
And so... when I went to school to talk to his teacher about the bullying incident, I met his Chinese teacher...
She came up to me and asked if I am Ace's mother. Then she told me that Ace is doing fine in school but asked me if Ace had any problem with homework. Turns out that Ace did not do his CHINESE HOMEWORK TOO!
HE kept saying he will do and that he will let me sign and in his teacher's own words, "He kept looking so sorry and so sincere, I gave him chance after chance but it was just not done.."
So when we reached home.. he kenna a big time scolding for me lor. Already gave him a prep talk about being responsible and he still do this... And when I went through his work in an attempt to sign it, I realized that he has not done ANY of the corrections and did not do any of the last few unit's homework...
I was really upset with him. I told him that just saying that he will change and never taking action to change is not good enough!
But after I scolded him, I was also aware that something is not quite right with Ace and it was not something a scolding or two can fix. I remembered how he responded much better to coaching than scolding and so I soften my approach.... sat beside him, put my arms around his shoulders and told him that if something is bothering him, he has to tell me so I can help him. He does not need to do all these to get help...
I asked him if he did not let me sign because he knew I would ask him about all the parts that he did not complete and he nodded his head silently. This meant that he probably knows that not completing all these work is wrong.. but why is he still doing this? Sigh...
And we started talking deeper and so instead of telling him what to do, I decided that I should ask him questions.
So I started where I was most familiar with:) DREAMS:)
I asked him what was his dream when he grew up.. I told him that regardless of what his dream is, it will have to start from him giving his all now to his learning and education so that he has a good foundation to take steps towards his dream.
And when I asked him that, Ace started sobbing... So I repeated... "What is your dream Ace?" And he sobbed even more loudly.... and even more sadly...
I asked him what those tears were about and he cried very sadly and said, "I don't have a dream anymore, I lost my dream.... I don't know where I want to be or where I want to go..."
I was a little taken aback when that happened... I know how heart-wrenching it can be to lose your dream cos I have been through it before. But I never thought a 11 year old little boy would feel this way.
So I reminded him gently that he hasnt "lost" his dream... he is perhaps
still exploring and has merely forgotten his dream. I took out his vision board made for this year and told him, "This is your dream...
remember?"
And he cried and cried...
I reminded him even of his subconscious vision board and that it was all about gaining more knowledge and having fun with the family... and I reminded him that his gift for this year is the gift of a MIRACLE. If he were to put in effort and give his all to everything that he did, he will be able to develop this gift furthur and create big miracle. Given a chance, will he prefer to create big miracle or a small miracle?
And so he said he wanted to create big miracles and started to calm down a little... And I hugged him and told him I will help him remember his dream by sending his dream board photo for him to set as his wallpaper...
I told him that he is on a wrong path and if he continues on this path, he will not go to where he wants to be. But it is not too late to turn around to go back on the right path and he can do so if at every point where he can choose to make a different choice to do the right thing everything he has to make a choice. And he has to choose to complete his work, complete his corrections and have good attitude if he wants to learn. Corrections tell us where we go wrong and help us learn how to do it better. If we ignore that, we will continue to be wrong..
And he said he will change and promised that he will choose a different path.
BUT.... two days later, I get another message from his english teacher that he did not complete his english composition.. that was despite me asking him constantly if he has completed his homework.
I almost went CRAZY!
I told Ace I already don't know what to do with him... I scolded him, I encouraged him, I tried to talk nicely to him... BUT seems like nothing is working... then maybe he can do whatever he likes and fail if he wants to lah....
And then I suddenly decided to share with hi what I had observed. I told him that it seems to me that he has suddenly give up on himself like that. I dunno why he is like that. He was not like that in the past and he would always try and try again.. but this time round, though he said he will try his best, he seems like he has totally given up like that.. and he started crying again. I asked him why is he crying.. especially when I said he has given up.. he said it is because it is true.
So I told him that since he is the one who has chosen to give up.. he is also the want who can choose to commit again to being a good student...
And I asked him why he chose to give up...
"I wanted your attention.." he said.. after pausing to think for a long long time.
"But I always give you attention what... every night I ask you if you want me to read with you but you choose to use your phone.." I replied.
"But I also want Daddy's attention wat..."
And so I asked his dad to talk to him that night..
His dad had a 5 min chat with him.. asked him what is his ambition... he told his dad his ambition is to become a scientist and his dad encouraged him a little and the next day...
Someone comes up to me and lets me sign this and that on his own... does all his work on time... and reminds me that he is a changed little boy and no longer the same Ace I knew!
wah! His dad talk 5 min better than I talk 50 min lor! So I told Max next time he shall be tasked to do the prep talks since it is more efficient and effective for him to do tat:) hahahaha...
Actually I knew that his dad's words will be more powerful.. Ace is quite sensitive to whether we really bond with him and these two weeks, his dad has been bz and also coming home very late and he hasnt had much chance to chat with him... therefore, what he says is 1000 x more powerful and impactful than what I say:) hahahaha...
PS: He sort of put in some effort for his mid years... hoping that he will
Previous Post: Amazing Nature At Our Little Place
And he cried and cried...
I reminded him even of his subconscious vision board and that it was all about gaining more knowledge and having fun with the family... and I reminded him that his gift for this year is the gift of a MIRACLE. If he were to put in effort and give his all to everything that he did, he will be able to develop this gift furthur and create big miracle. Given a chance, will he prefer to create big miracle or a small miracle?
And so he said he wanted to create big miracles and started to calm down a little... And I hugged him and told him I will help him remember his dream by sending his dream board photo for him to set as his wallpaper...
I told him that he is on a wrong path and if he continues on this path, he will not go to where he wants to be. But it is not too late to turn around to go back on the right path and he can do so if at every point where he can choose to make a different choice to do the right thing everything he has to make a choice. And he has to choose to complete his work, complete his corrections and have good attitude if he wants to learn. Corrections tell us where we go wrong and help us learn how to do it better. If we ignore that, we will continue to be wrong..
And he said he will change and promised that he will choose a different path.
BUT.... two days later, I get another message from his english teacher that he did not complete his english composition.. that was despite me asking him constantly if he has completed his homework.
I almost went CRAZY!
I told Ace I already don't know what to do with him... I scolded him, I encouraged him, I tried to talk nicely to him... BUT seems like nothing is working... then maybe he can do whatever he likes and fail if he wants to lah....
And then I suddenly decided to share with hi what I had observed. I told him that it seems to me that he has suddenly give up on himself like that. I dunno why he is like that. He was not like that in the past and he would always try and try again.. but this time round, though he said he will try his best, he seems like he has totally given up like that.. and he started crying again. I asked him why is he crying.. especially when I said he has given up.. he said it is because it is true.
So I told him that since he is the one who has chosen to give up.. he is also the want who can choose to commit again to being a good student...
And I asked him why he chose to give up...
"I wanted your attention.." he said.. after pausing to think for a long long time.
"But I always give you attention what... every night I ask you if you want me to read with you but you choose to use your phone.." I replied.
"But I also want Daddy's attention wat..."
And so I asked his dad to talk to him that night..
His dad had a 5 min chat with him.. asked him what is his ambition... he told his dad his ambition is to become a scientist and his dad encouraged him a little and the next day...
Someone comes up to me and lets me sign this and that on his own... does all his work on time... and reminds me that he is a changed little boy and no longer the same Ace I knew!
wah! His dad talk 5 min better than I talk 50 min lor! So I told Max next time he shall be tasked to do the prep talks since it is more efficient and effective for him to do tat:) hahahaha...
Actually I knew that his dad's words will be more powerful.. Ace is quite sensitive to whether we really bond with him and these two weeks, his dad has been bz and also coming home very late and he hasnt had much chance to chat with him... therefore, what he says is 1000 x more powerful and impactful than what I say:) hahahaha...
PS: He sort of put in some effort for his mid years... hoping that he will
Previous Post: Amazing Nature At Our Little Place
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