Every parent does not want their children to be like them. They want their children to become BETTER than them.
Because of this, all parents use their upbringing as a guide to educate their children.
Once their child is born, they have this big plan about how to educate him or her. Eg, if their parents were very strict to them, they want to become sweeter to their child. If their parents left them alone very much, they want to talk alot more to their child.
But, "Every child is different and so every child should be brought up differently. We don't really need a plan, we just need to find a way to communicate with our children from time to time and just educate them. "
At least, that is what my teacher, Hiromi, says.
I suddenly realize that I have this big plan on how to educate Ace as well. I want him to become even better than me and since young, I keep repeating the things that I feel I don't have or don't do well and tell him that he can do well in that area. I treat him the way I think I would have liked my parents to treat me. And I was thinking that since I am doing fine so far, I would do the exact same thing for my next child. How wrong I was!
Still, it is not too late to realize this and rectify it ;)
Luckily for Ace, both me and Max don't resort to physical punishment. It is not in our plan as we didn't like it when our parents did it to us when we were young. I guess it is also because they do not do it often as well.
I always kenna caning from my mum when I was young but I think after I started primary school, it stopped.
My teacher says that parents who often resort to physical punishments often do so because they do not have the confidence of educating their children. Therefore, we need to trust that there is a better way to educate our child.
I can attest to that though. At most times when I am lost about what to do.. it seems like the only thing I could do was either to scream at Ace or hit Ace. Thankfully, I mostly don't carry them out because I also realize that screaming at him and hitting him doesn't help him at all. But sometimes when i cannot 'lun', I give in and smack his fingers and palms (because I told him a thousand times not to put his hand into the MOVING fan/ kiss the TV/ throw things on the floor).
When I realize that though, I explain to him why I did that and that I still love him very much and hope he will understand....
Okay, looking back, I admit I sometimes hit him in frustration at my inability to comprehend what he is actually trying to tell me with his actions and how I can help him. That is not a good way to help I know. Ace, mummy apologize to you... sorry...
It is not that we should give in to our children all the time either. We can still give them time outs and still scold them. But if we get emotional when we do that, it would be considered punishment. And punishments are not good for a child emotionally as well. However, should we have a peaceful heart and know exactly what we are doing, then even though it is the same action of a time out, it becomes EDUCATION.
Hiromi teacher says her youngest son has a bad temper. When he shows his temper, she asks him to go to his room to deal with his anger and come out when he is okay.
Her husband, Hediaki, always loses patience and goes into the room before he is done and thus stirs up another bout of anger. Now that they have learnt to be patient, her son always comes out happy after he is done with his emotions.
However, should she get angry and LOCK HER SON in his room. That would become a punishment and I guess her son would get even more angry that his call for help was not met.
Yes, children also throw tantrums because that is their call for help.. not because they enjoy doing them or because they enjoy torturing us. I mean, do you get angry and upset because you enjoy it? Of course not, right?:P
So my goal now is to nurture Ace to the best of my abilities so that I can develop fully his potential to make him into a wonderful, happy person...
Alot of times too, I think we have GREAT plan on how to educate our children because we think our parents did it ALL WRONG. Some people cannot forgive their parents because they think, "It is because you treat me this way, that is why I am like that now.. if you had treat me another way, I wouldn't be like that now..."
I guess we sometimes forget that our parents are human too.. and too bad for them or for us, they did not read MY BLOG and have someone give them this gentle reminder. Mostly, I believe that most parents try their best to do what they can for their children. Though it may not be the best, it is THE BEST THEY CAN GIVE.
Also, we forget this:
Now that we know we don't want to be THIS, we can CHOOSE to be THAT. We don't have to react accordingly to how our parents brought us up, we still have a choice to make a change no matter what age we are at now.
Let us all forgive our parents and love them with all our hearts for I know they love us with all their hearts as well. When we love them with all our hearts, our children will be able to love us wholeheartedly as well, isn't that what you would want?
Anyway, one thing I learnt long ago in life is this: Your parents
Sometimes we wonder if our parents love us because of some things they do to us.. but if we reflect on how we treat them (yes, alot of people I know are bad children and treat their parents badly.. hahaha.. almost as bad as their parents.. hahaha.. ME INCLUDED) , I guess if they did not love us, they would have abandoned us a long time ago... don't you agree?
So my plan is to love my parents more and me and sis will be taking them for a holiday soon.
What is your plan?:)
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