Do you want to be a good mother?

The other day, while I was attending a psychological workshop, I told my teacher that I have this belief that I am a bad parent.

His answer to me was, "To become a good parent, you have to start by recognizing that you have good parents."

If you have any grieviance towards your parents, then you will never ever believe that you will become a good parent.

So he went on to ask me why I am a bad mother... and I told him I was a bad mother because I drank cold, soft drinks while I was pregnant and watched soap operas while I was pregnant even though I knew they were bad for the baby.

And then he asked me, "Who is leading who?" "Does your son like to watch TV now? Does he like to drink cold, soft drinks?"

Come to think if it, he does!

And so suddenly, I don't feel so bad after all.

How to be a good mother
But the root of it is this, to be a good mother, we have to start by recognizing that we have a great mother!

Our mothers are the greatest people on earth. No matter what they did to us, they fed us, carried us for 9 months of their lives. No matter what they did or said, it was just a story in your mind.

Sometimes we also fear our mothers. Mostly, when we fear our mothers, the fear is used to hide how much we are attacking this person.

When you are female especially, you tend to have guilt towards your mother as well for stealing away her husband.

Sometimes we blame our mothers for our broken dreams. Eg, they said something bad about us, they forced us to do something we did not like or want.. and as a result, we build up a huge judgement against her. But the dreams are just our ideas of how our lives should be. All dreams break at some point and we have to let go of them and move forward.

Most importantly, LOVE THEM!
Basically, all children just want to be loved. Doesnt matter how you educate them as long as you love them. There are many ways of doing it but all that doesn't matter. The most important thing is to love them alot.

A special tip would be to speak to your child as if they are your best friends.

"Get off the phone! Clean the room!" Is that what we say to a best friend? ;P

When we say such things to your children, we create the same problems that our parents had with us.

We treated our parents like god and felt that they are up there. That is why when we grow up, we want to throw them away and becomes gods ourselves.

There is a sufi book that says, "Parents are like bow and children are the arrows." Our children are here to go further than us and likewise, we are here to go further than our parents.

But what about negative influences from the in laws?
You mean the out laws? :P

They are just raised differently. You can say what you think but don't attack them.

And remember, it is ok to be naughty. Naughtiness is a leadership gift but you do not do it to put people down. You do it to have fun.

How do you know that a person is very very self concious. When they have an extremely bad sense of humour. People who are really naughty are usually rascals.

Previous Post: Chao Chao Chao