Creative Anger

I just talked about how Ace is starting to stop using tantrums to get us to do things and is starting to understand that there are better ways of getting what he wants and better ways of expressing his desires.

But there are times where Ace will lose his control as well. And when he gets really upset, he gets really creative about how to show his anger

And the interesting thing is that the ways he shows his anger are so creative, I really have no idea where he learnt it from.

The other day he asked for something and I did not give it to him and then he got upset and angry and then he crossed his arms. After seething in anger for 30 seconds, he stomped into his room and told me, "Y0u are useless, Mummy! You are useless...."

I wonder where he learnt tat saying someone is useless is a degratory term and how he learnt that it is hurtful to tell someone they are useless... especially if they believe that they really are useless...

Well, anger got better of me and so out of instinct, I used threats to get him to stop. "Mummy is useless right? Ok lor, next time no more mummy to help you. You clean your own buttock after you shit, you make your own milk, you read your own story books...."

And then he started crying and said he wouldn't do it again.

But just minutes later, when I rejected another request of his, he went into a corner to sulk and then suddenly, he went to a dusty corner of the room and rubbed his hands on the dusty floor and then he came to me and touched my face with his dirty hand and said nastily, "I give you dirty hand...."

Needless to say, he kenna left right and centre from his dad for doing that.

When he cooled down, I explained to him how when he does these things, it makes me feel very hurt. "I don't want to do it. I will not do that again, Mummy.." he assured me.

Which brings me to another point.. Recently after each scolding, he will tell us, "I don't want to do it. I will not do that again..." Initially I was feeling rather pleased that he is so well behaved and that he is aware of what is expected of him. But going deeper, I guess there is really nothing to be happy about. It just tells me that his ego mind has been formed and that he has gone into a role of doing what is expected of him because he wants us to like and love him. If he were doing it out of love, then that would really be something to shout about ;)

PS: He just got scolded by his dad for taking 2 hours to keep his lego toys and after that, he came to me and told me, "Mummy, I got something to tell you. I will not do that again..." And his punishment for wasting time was that he would not get milk that night. He went into his room, tried to sleep and then after 20 min, made another attempt to get his milk by telling me, "Mummy, I want to tell you something.. I know I did the wrong things. I won't do it again. I don't know why, I don't feel well. I sleep already and then I wake up and I don't remember why I dun have milk..."

Good try, Ace. Just like I said, I am not making milk for you tonight because I want you to remember this lesson.. when we say something. just move it and do it.. dun wait for us to repeat it like 10 000 times and scream at you before you do it...

PPS: Is it me? Is it because when my mother or authority figures tell me to do things, I like to dilly dally? I know I hate having pple tell me what to do and sometimes dilly dally is the way I get back at them... I hope it is not cos of this tat Ace is 'following my footsteps'...

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