Complain King

Perhaps it is the fact that we are far away from home now and we are still getting used to this huge move and huge change.. perhaps it is just time of the month for me... Perhaps all the waking early is taking its toll on my mental state.... irregardless, I have been rather upset recently and not in a very good mood at all....

I think Ace too hasn't been in a very good mood.. and so we snap at each other alot when we are at home. I cant say which is worse... seeing Ace 24/7 at home and mummy this mummy that and driving me crazy with his incessant demand for attention or having him go to school (which translates to ALOT more extra work for me but alot alot of extra PEACEFUL time for me) and come back to suddenly snap and me and make hurtful remarks at me....

Anyway, one day, we had a quarrel and he got upset and went to his dad to complain.. he complained and complained and complained.. and poor Max, sandwhiched in the middle, tried to be the peace-maker... But I was very hurt that he went to his dad to complain about me.. and about something I did not even do! So it took me a while to work on my anger.. and when I finally felt better, I went to talk to Ace and play with him and then he misunderstood my joking gesture of pinning him down as bullying him and ran crying to his dad to tell his dad, "Mummy qi fu wo..."and cried like I tortured him or something...

Wah, tat one made me super angry lor...

But when I cooled down, I talked to Ace and told him that it is not good to complain to other people. "If you have a problem with me, about what I do, then you have to talk to me and tell you how you feel... then we can resolve it among ourselves... it is not right for you to go to daddy and complain to daddy about me and bad mouth me like tat.. especially I am your mother. Even if I am not your mother, you shouldnt treat your friends like that too... If you have a problem with your friend, you should tell them straight.."

If there is one thing I have learnt, it is that going to a third party to complain is the cause of most human relations problem and it is not even helpful at all... the only helpful thing is really to tell the other party how you feel....

I restrospect, I did feel a little bad as I think that I too snapped at him more often than I normally would as I was starting to feel a little depressed here.... I lead a boring existence where everyday, I just clean the house, cook, watch tv, watch more tv, worry about Ace and his school and what he will have to bring for lunch, what to cook for dinner, wash clothes, wash toilet, vacumn the house, mop the floor.... and BLOG:) The only times we go out are either for a meal or to go supermarket shopping.. or aimless window shopping...

Compared to life in Singapore where I was free to nua at home.. didn't have to do housework and always free to go out with this friend and that friend to sing karaoke, have tea, watch movies... have POV gatherings to attend, workshops to look forward to and attend, life here in Dubai is well, just less exciting...

It is of course nice to have Max around with me at night and good to have him listen to my grouses and have him smile and tell me how xin fu I made him since I cooked such a wonderful dinner for him... somehow though, this life is not as perfect or as easy a I envisioned.

I don't really mind the housework or the cooking.. since it is not much anyway.. we live in a really small place... and I really enjoy cooking, I just missed home too and missed my friends...

Anyway, Ace started going to school and things got worse.

I would get into arguments with Ace daily and he would get upset or angry and he would take my words literally and really tell me what in think.. as in he tells me all the thought processes inside his head....

Eg, the other day we had a quarrel.. i forgot over what.. and then he got upset and he pushed the table away... I went to make dinner and then he started a monologue... "I am so angry with you mummy.. and I think, I want to scold you.. but if i scold you, daddy will scold me and you will also scold me later.. so I cannot scold you.... and then I think I want to throw and smash all your things on the floor... but I know if I spoil your things, you will take money from my bank to buy you new ones.. I dun want to lang fei (waste) my money and so I cannot do that as well... humph..."

Wah... really angry lor.. part of me felt like I was in so much sacrifice (wake at 5plus 6 every morning and take care of his every need.. including clean his bum after his shit) and all I got in return is this??!!!

And then the next day, he got angry because I scolded him for something and he gave a monologue again... "I am so angry.. I want to push you till you fall down when you are standing up..."

And so, he was asking for it lor.. I refused to talk to him for the next two hours.. refused to help him with washing his bum... (because initially when he asked for help, I walked into the toilet to help him but as I was walking in, I nagged at him and he said, "I don't want to talk to you.." and so fine lor.. I also dun want to talk to hin and dun want to help him in that case...)

Max says he thinks I am like a kid, quarrelling with Ace.. I tell him he should try taking care of Ace 24/7...

While I was very angry during the incidents.. I kept thinking about why I behaved this way and why Ace behaved this way.. it is like he is a different person since he came to dubai like that... I also noticed that my fuse is very short lor.. i get upset and fly into a temper easily. .much more easily compared to when I am in SGP... I jokingly told him I will write in his SOS book (which is a book for teachers to communicate with parents) and ask his teacher if they taught him how to be rude to their mummy in school....

Later in the night, I asked Ace why he behaved like that these few days... and he told me that it is because since we arrived in Dubai, I haven't been hugging him enough.. and I remembered that I haven't been joining with him before bedtime for a while.. so i did a short joining with him and resolved to stay my center more.. and hug him more...

Also, Max reminded me that Ace is also still trying to get used to a new school.. which is a big thing for him too as he has to get used to hearing english with slang.. making new friends who look different from him... so I tried to be more understanding towards him...

I noticed that he seems annoyed when I ask him about school and he keeps telling me answers like, "I don't remmeber" or "I don't know.." when he used to tell me all the details about wat happened in his school in Singapore...

Today, when he got home from school, he seemed to be in a pretty good mood.. so I had a little chat with him... I explained to him that I keep asking about his school because I cannot go to the school with him.. I dunno what is happening in the school and I am concerned about whether what he is doing there and whether he is happy there... I asked him if he has gotten used to school yet and he said, "no.."

I also explained that my life is boring here since I am at home the whole day.. since he has been outside of home, he will see more interesting things and that is also part of the reason why i want to know what he has done, so he can share his more interesting life with me and I feel less bored...

And then I apologized for snapping at him pretty often these days because I explained, "I also still have not gotten used to life in Dubai yet and am trying to get used to my life here... " I told him that my life here is very different and I really miss my friends and family in Singapore.. "Dubai is not like Singapore.. if anything upsets me or I am very bored, I can just go out and have a coffee with my friends and talk to them... here, I only have two friends I see everyday, they are Ace Chua and Max Chua and if he keeps talking rude to me, it makes me even more upset..."

Somehow, all this communication seem to work.. he is a superb little boy today.. helping me with housework... giving me lots of hugs and kisses and eating his dinner with little fuss and even volunteering to do homework!:)

Hopefully, things stay this way...

PS: Well, Ace has more or less settled down and started behaving slightly better.. but his dad is going away for a business trip and so he started acting up again and crying and throwing tantrum over the smallest thing.... I told him to please behave when daddy is away and I asked him why he seems to be better behaved when daddy was away... his reply is that when daddy is away, his job is to protect me... wahahaha.. I told him he should behave the same way and protect and love me whether daddy is here OR NOT!:) wahahahahaha....

Previous post: A Very Good Little Boy