I Don't Like You

Now that Ace is better at expressing himself.. he is also better at emotional blackmail.. yikes!


For example, if he is in a bad mood, if you do not give in to him, if you irritate him or if you make him angry or upset, he will say to you, "I don't want you. I don't like you!"


When he says that to Waipo or Waigong.. I will ask him... "Are you sure you don't want Waipo.. she loves you so much you know.. she takes care of you, she bathes you.. she buys jelly and biscuits for you.. she buys you toys and clothes, she tells you stories and do so many things for you.. are you sure you dun want Waipo?"


After a pause and he thinks things through, he would tell me, "I want Waipo..." And after that, he would be willing to apologize for his tantrum.


Now, the true challenge comes when the I-dun-like-"YOU" target is actually me. Somehow when that target is ME, it is not so easy to keep a cool and calm attitude and not react without emotion...


Sometimes when I can handle it better, I tell him, "But I want you and love you leh!" And then I hug him and tell him I am sorry I made him upset...


Sometimes when I can't, I automatically resort to guilt and threats. "Don't want me ah.. ok, bye bye..."


And then I ignore him.


And then after a while, he comes to me. "Mama, I want to eat biscuits..."


"But you don't want me right? Then you dun talk to me..."


And then he cries and says, "I want you, I want you..." And then with a smile hanging at the corner of my lips. I hug him with satisfaction. "See, he wants me!" goes this voice in my head.


Now that I think back, I find this sort of reaction and thinking silly and even childish... But I am no saint...and my teacher, Chuck, says that people who are called Angels are called so because they want to hide the 'devil' in them... hahaha...


But I guess writing and blogging about this makes me more aware of this ego reaction.. so I resolve to resolve the issue with love instead of fear and threats in future :)


Anyway, I read that most kids do go thru this phase, ESPECIALLY when they are secure. (Woohoo, Ace is secure!)


Young kids have to feel safe enough with their caregiver to test out how to express negative feelings, as well as positive feelings.


The child therapist who wrote that says she worries more about kids who don't express any anger or sadness!


Anyway, she suggested clarifying and guessing why they are angry.. (Are you mad that I won't let you eat the cookie?) and remind them that it's normal to feel angry and it is ok to tell others that you are angry.. but it is not ok to act out the anger by physically hitting, kicking or biting.


She says this will give us a chance to teach children a bigger "feelings vocabulary" and soon, our kids will be able to explain most of the time why they are angry or sad...


If we validate their feelings & fix the problem if possible. This will lead to a huge decrease in tantrums and to them expressing more positive feelings too. ;)


I learnt a good lesson here.. did you?

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