As a parent, that is something I must say which is the biggest lesson that I have yet to learn. Whenever I see people become mean to my son or treat him badly, I just feel so protective over him and want to gorge the eyes of the other person out.. or maybe just run over and knock them over with a hard punch... Alot of times they are just kids who are a few years older than Ace and it may seem ridiculous to stoop so low as to get upset and try to attack a little kid... but even so, if looks could kill.. they would already be dead by now...
The other day, when we brought Ace to Hemleys (a toy shop like Toys R Us), another chance to learn this lesson came again.
You see, in Hemley's, they actually samples of their toys and allow children to play freely with them... it is really like a free amusement park for parents lor.. hahaha..
So when we went into the store, we saw this particular tricycle and Ace was taken with it and wanted to try it. However, there was a little boy wearing yellow in the car and playing.. the little boy went round and round and round and Ace waited patiently for him to end... but he never seem to want to give up..
Ace got a little upset and so Max just told him, "If you want to play, you have to chase after the guy and ask him to let you play till he lets you play...."So my son ran after the boy in yellow shirt throughout the whole store... he ran one round.. two rounds.. three rounds... and he just kept following the boy.. whenever he stopped, Ace would ask him gently, "Can I play?" And the little boy will just ignore him and continue on his way... (I told you arabic little boys are rude, right?)
Anyway, my son just patiently run around and ask.. run around and ask.. i am amazed at his patience lor.. I decided to give him a prep talk... I told him that if he wanted to play, he cannot be so soft.. "You have to ask firmly... and you have to stand up for yourself.." I told him...
But he just looked at me helplessly and continued to run after the little boy in yellow shirt. "Sorry Ace, you have to come up with your own strategy..." I told him and he continued to run after the boy in the yellow shirt... it is amazing to me that he did not do what I think a typical Singaporean will do-- COMPLAIN to the sales persons there.. hahahha...
Ace looked helpless and I too felt helpless as I did not want to interfere and could only look on by the sides...
Anyway, because he ran SO MANY ROUNDS round the store chasing after the boy in the yellow shirt, one sales person actually noticed him and went to ask the boy in yellow shirt to give up the tricycle to Ace as they have to take turns. And finally, the boy in the yellow shirt was willing to give it up in the face of "authority"...
The amazing thing about my son is this. He gets the tricycle, rides one round in the store and then a boy in blue shirt comes and ask, "Can I ride on it?" He doesnt try to ask the person to come back later.. he just asks the boy, "5 minutes ok? I still want to play with it..." and just trusts that the boy will return the tricycle to him....
When the boy took off with the tricycle.. I asked Ace, "Oh, after so much trouble then you get the tricycle, why did you let the boy in blue take it?"
"I just told him 5 minutes..." he said.. I couldn't believe it.. my son is so kind.. unlike me... hahahaha... I am sorry but I dun trust the good nature of all children.. I know as a parent, maybe this is not the best thing to say or the best idea to put across but I couldnt help it and i asked him, "Has it ever occured to you he might not return to you after that?"
Annoyed, Ace gave me a "tsk" sound and asked me, "Can I share????"
I really at that moment felt like what Singaporeans will describe in hokkien vulgarity-- chui tat lan... (that means my mouth is stuffed and i am speechless)
Max witnessed this and laughed at me. "See lah, got and ask for trouble and kenna suan... he is right wat.. we always taught him to be a sharing and caring boy..."
And so as I comforted myself at how a great a parent me and max were and what a wonderful son we have, I was also still worried that Ace would not get the tricycle back.. it almost felt like this was my war..it was MY tricycle... wahahahaha.. I know it sounds silly as i say it like tat now but at that moment, it was like my ego's most basic instincts just took over me or possessed me.
Anyway, the boy in blue shirt really returned the tricycle to Ace after one round. And so Ace merrily went along his way again on the tricycle and about 100 metres later, another two older boys appeared. One was a boy in dark blue shirt and another was a boy in checked shirt..
Again, my blindly trusting boy stood up to let them play. I hold back all my doubts and my disdain for the two boys (I didn't like the look on their faces... and the way they talked to Ace.. they had the words "BULLY" and "predator" written all over their faces.. I think this time he is not going to get the tricycle back easy) gave Ace a pat on the back and told him, "Well done for sharing.."
Anyway, boy in dark blue finished a few rounds and passed to boy in checked shirt. Boy, was that young man an asshole!
He went round and round and round and no matter how Ace tried to reassert his right and to remind him of their agreement, he just ignored Ace and went round and round.
Ace got upset again and I told him, "If you want to play, dun give up.. go figure a strategy..."
It was afterall pre agreed that in this sort of situation, I would not get involved and so won't Max. But everytime the boy rode past me, I just gave him the dirtiest look I could. It was the look that said, "Look asshole, you are a dead duck!" (Yes, in my blind anger, I stooped THAT low...)
So Ace thought of using the same strategy and went to the sales person. But instead of stopping the boy in checked shirt, the sales person tried to pacify Ace by giving him this....
Instead of playing with this, Ace decided instead to use this to chase after the boy in checked shirt.. since it was faster and less tiring than running around..Round and round they went and as the boy in checked shirt zoomed past me one time, two times, three times... the fire in my heart burned and it got bigger and bigger.. how there he take my son for a ride!?
And after a few rounds... he finally stopped! And I saw that Ace and him talked... but after that, off he went again in the tricycle. I wondered why he was willing to stop to talk but did not return the tricycle to Ace.
But before I could wonder more, things started to take an interesting turn. Remember the boy in light blue shirt who returned the tricycle to Ace after one round? He started to join in the race on foot. He also started to negotiate with the boy in checked shirt.. from my observation, it was not like he was fighting to go on the tricycle again.. strangely, it looked as if he was helping Ace out because he cannot tahan this bully...
And then, he did the unthinkable.. he stopped short in front of the tricycle and pushed the tricycle back.. refused to budge and refused to let the tricycle move forward... and then they talked somemore but in the end, the older boy in the checked shirt won and left...
After the boy in checked shirt left.. it seems like Ace and boy in blue shirt became friends.. they walked side by side each other and boy in light blue shirt gave Ace a friendly pat on the shoulder as if to comfort Ace...
Anyway, boy in light blue shirt is not someone you want to mess with lor.. and he wasn't one to give up... he just ran to another sales person and complained and brought him over...By then, I started to think things are not as simple as it seems...
Anyway, the boy in checked shirt actually refused to get up even when an adult intervened. It took the sales person at least 5 minutes to FINALLY get him to stand up and give the tricycle to Ace.
And so, Ace went another two rounds and this little girl came towards him and wanted to play with the tricycle... I saw then that there was doubt now in his eyes but in the end, he said he would let her play. I told him he has been playing for a long time and we should head somewhere for a drink and he agreed..
So on our way out, I noticed that even after all the unpleasantness between boy in light blue shirt and boy in checked shirt, they seem to be hanging out together... and then i realized that they sort of look alike...
I talked to Ace about what happened and Ace told me that the boy in light blue shirt is the younger brother of the checked shirt boy. "He told me that his brother is always like that.. he is like a criminal..." (wah, they must have bad blood for him to describe his own brother as a criminal)
And when I asked Ace why the boy stopped and talked to him but din give him back the tricycle and why it took so long for the salesperson to get that boy out of the tricycle, he told me that the asshole had actually stopped and told him something along the lines of "I can let you ride if you give me money.." and even when an adult intervened, he insisted that he would only give up his seat if Ace give him money... gosh.. what is he thinking? He is only like what.. 10? What did his parents teach him man?
I felt really really angry when i heard that. I asked Ace what did he reply and he said, "I said nothing lor.. I know it is not right.."
"Next time anyone asks you for money, you have to tell mummy immediately..." I said.. huffing and puffing with anger. Max is just amused at my reaction..
And I quickly reaffirmed to Ace that one is not suppose to give bullies money when they ask for it and that it is wrong to ask people for money like tat.
And then I told Ace that I actually feel very angry.. because when someone treats him badly, I feel like they are treating me badly too... but I know it would not be good for me to intervene because i want him to learn how to resolve situations like that himself since I cannot always be his side...
"What about daddy?" Ace asked me..
"Daddy is very cool lor.." I said... "Ya," Max added.."That is because Daddy trusts you and know you can handle it all by yourself.." Max said...
Wah.. Max is good lor. Very enlightened liao.. already in nirvana... I cannot.. I hear this kind of thing I just want to volcano erupt. I cannot so relax and laid back lor.. I tell you if I had known that the boy was asking Ace for money, I might have pulled him by the collar, marched him to his parent and given him a GOOD ONE.. hahaha... in my fantasy world in my mind, I would give him two tight slaps too.. hahahaha....
So it seems I failed the test yet again... hahahaha...
I will do better next time.. I HOPE:)
PS: I think hor Max only pretending to act cool... if he would be willing to feel all his emotions, he would be a boiling pot of hot larvae ready to erupt.. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...
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