Never, Don't Have

I am faced with a disciplinary problem and I even wonder if it is my own problem.

Many years ago, I listened to a tape by this millionaire and he said this, "People live daily by what they believe in. The rest is just talk...." And then he gave this example of how a little boy's parents would tell him not to put his finger into the fan and the boy would nod but dun really believe in it.. until the day he put it in and got cut by the fan.. from then on, he really believed it and would never put it in even if you told him so...

As parents, it is quite a norm for us to predict dangers before our children are even aware of them and we tell them things like, "Don't run, don't jump, don't climb this, don't do this, don't do that..." most of the time it is like a reflex action from watching them do something that we predict MIGHT end up in danger and so we ask them not to do it.

For example, Ace would run very fast on a wet surface and I would say to him, "Ace, stop running.. it's wet here and you might fall down..." Ace would run anyway and tell me, "I never fall down what..."

Or he would hang himself on the surface of a tall cupboard and pretend to be Curious George the monkey and I would say to him, "Ace, pls don't do that. The cupboard might topple down on you and hurt you..." Ace would do it anyway and tell me "Never what... Don't have what.. the cupboard never fall down what..."

I mean if I had to list examples, I probably can least at least 100 over more DIFFERENT examples on how this has been a norm in our daily lives.

My dilemna is this. Ace is not wrong when he says that the thing never happened. Most of the things I warn him about really never happen lor. After a while, I think he realized that he just does it anyway.

And then I wonder if it is actually good for me to put in so many limitations into his mind.. Or maybe I should let him be free and explore the world by himself. I am not saying his safety is not important but really, it is a fine line between knowing how to keep yourself safe and having too many limitations in your mind.

Till now, I think Ace is someone with a very strong mind of his own. He knows what clothes he wants to wear, what he wants to buy, what he wants to do, what he wants to eat, what movie he wants to watch... and if me and max were not trained in persuasion and promotion for so many years, I think it would be tough to get him to compromise because not everything he do is what we want to do as well...

I ever once thought maybe I should just say it once, if he does not listen, I just let him do it and discover by himself. But it is just so hard to watch your child do something that u think will result in failure or hurt and still let them do it. Eg, just a simple thing like running down the stairs, it is tough for me to let go and let him just run down by himself... what if he falls and hurt himself.. what if he breaks his bones? And then I have to remind myself not to be paranoid and to trust him, trust his observation, trust his SA and trust his motor skills.

But I guess in the process, I have also discovered how my own mind has been so limited over the years. I think when I was younger, I didn't have so many considerations. I just did it anyway.. just like Ace, nevermind what other pple said. And looking bad, I think even though I had some falls, I din do all that badly in life... and I learnt many lessons along the way... and now,I have a pretty good life if I must say...

So I guess, maybe this time round, I should learn from Ace and do it anyway... and remember Ace's favourite saying, "never what, don't have what..." It is really a great pity to give up the things we want in our lives just because we thought we might get hurt... cos most of the time if we did it anyway, the hurt also "don't have what".. :)

Anyway, even if have, I guess like what Mother Thereasa said, "God will never give you a burden heavier than you can bear... "

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