Life has a strange way of recurring in cycles...
Somehow, ever since Max has gone away, we are perpetually trapped in a cycle of us deciding that we will stay apart and wait for max to come back in a FEW MONTHS TIME... and then I will start looking for a full time job and then Max will bring back news about how things have changed in his company and then he might need to stay on for much longer... and then we play around with the idea of us shifting over to Dubai again... and then I stop my job search... and when I stop, things change and it seems like Max coming home soon ....
In short, it is just a cycle of expectations, disappointment, hopeful expectations, disappointments and with every new hope being dashed, I learnt one thing.. that we have to respect our lives and do what we want to do... and not follow the flow and do what other people want us to do... If we do not respect our power of choice, other people will step all over us and do what is best for THEM.
We are currently at the part of the cycle where Max's boss wants to keep him there for another year (I really doubt it will be JUST ONE YEAR MORE cos since when do bosses keep their promises and make YOUR benefit their first priority?), and so after contemplating for a while, I told my mum about this possibility...
My mum didnt take it too well. The recent libyan wars and japanese tsunami incidents have made her very worried and upset... so I guess it was bad timing to receive this news. Usually she just listens and keeps quiet but this time round, she was upset enough to say, "Hai, why dun you ask Max to come back.. dunno what you all are thinking.. the world is so messy now and there is war in Libya and it is so dangerous... if Max comes back, whole family will reunite liao.. you all go over still away from your family..." and she drifted off at this point.. and when i looked at her face, I saw that her eyes were turning red and that there were tears glistening in her eyes..
Perhaps Ace overheard our conversation, so in the night before we slept, Ace said that he wanted to have a talk with me...
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked him. And he said that he wanted to talk about Daddy lor... I asked him why and he said, "Because I love him lah.."
And then Ace asked me if I could ask daddy to come back to Singapore... "Tell daddy to come back to Singapore.. he can make new friends here and then he can find new job lah..."
I told Ace if he goes to Dubai, he can make new friends too.. and so he says Daddy can make new friends as well... And then Ace asked me to tell his dad that he does not want to go do Dubai because he wants to see Yeye, Nai Nai, Popo, Gong gong, Zhen Popo, Ah Yee, Net net, Lao ma, Lao Ghou, Sarina Jie Jie everyday...
I told him I will tell his dad tat when I next talk to him.. "And you dun forget to tell him that I love him okie?"
After a while, he asked me again.. "Can you ask daddy to come back or not? Last time we are happy family but now we are no longer happy family already.. because daddy is not here, we two are so sad..."
After a thoughtful pause though, he asked me seriously... "Mummy, why we keep asking daddy to come back but he dun want to come back? Is it because he dun want to be together with us?" I explained to him that of cos daddy wants to be with us and he misses us so bad he tears sometimes missing us.. it is just tat daddy's boss needs his help and if daddy comes back now, there will be no one helping him in office....
And then after thinking for a while, he says he wants to tell me a story and his story goes like this..
Once upon a time, there was a botak man called Max. He has a wife called Angel and a son called Ace. One day, Max went over to Dubai his work but his lao ban is very bad and dun let him come back.. so Angel is very sad. Ace is very angry and he scold the lao ban. Then the laoban is very scared and he let Max come back and they are together and very happy and Ace is a super hero!
I told Ace that is a nice story but I hope that he understands that in real life, scolding people will not change or help matters.. the only thing it does is let the person you scold know you are very unhappy... but tat is not really very productive... and his reply..
"Yeah, I know.. this is fake life.. not real life.. it is just a story..."
FAINTZ...
But he was still upset because he feels tat the boss has cheated us.. (actually I am guilty of this perception because that is how I explained why daddy is not home yet to him.. cos tat is MY perception.. Max is not too happy about it but i told him if he wanted to change this perception, go talk to his son himself..) Ace keeps being told Daddy is coming back soon but then daddy cannot come back again because his boss "cheated" on us and changed their minds...
I tried to explain to him why Max's boss needs Max there by asking him to put himself in his shoes. "If you had alot of work to do and someone who can help you alot called Max.. will you want to keep him in Dubai to help you or will you send him home to Singapore?" I asked him.. Ace agreed that he would want to keep Max there too if he were the boss...
"So can you forgive him?" I asked Ace..
"Aiyah, tomorrow then talk about this lah.. today I am very tired liao, I want to sleep liao.."
Hahaha.. I dunno where he learnt tat from and dunno whether to luff or cry...
Previous Post: Love Letter From Ace
Somehow, ever since Max has gone away, we are perpetually trapped in a cycle of us deciding that we will stay apart and wait for max to come back in a FEW MONTHS TIME... and then I will start looking for a full time job and then Max will bring back news about how things have changed in his company and then he might need to stay on for much longer... and then we play around with the idea of us shifting over to Dubai again... and then I stop my job search... and when I stop, things change and it seems like Max coming home soon ....
In short, it is just a cycle of expectations, disappointment, hopeful expectations, disappointments and with every new hope being dashed, I learnt one thing.. that we have to respect our lives and do what we want to do... and not follow the flow and do what other people want us to do... If we do not respect our power of choice, other people will step all over us and do what is best for THEM.
We are currently at the part of the cycle where Max's boss wants to keep him there for another year (I really doubt it will be JUST ONE YEAR MORE cos since when do bosses keep their promises and make YOUR benefit their first priority?), and so after contemplating for a while, I told my mum about this possibility...
My mum didnt take it too well. The recent libyan wars and japanese tsunami incidents have made her very worried and upset... so I guess it was bad timing to receive this news. Usually she just listens and keeps quiet but this time round, she was upset enough to say, "Hai, why dun you ask Max to come back.. dunno what you all are thinking.. the world is so messy now and there is war in Libya and it is so dangerous... if Max comes back, whole family will reunite liao.. you all go over still away from your family..." and she drifted off at this point.. and when i looked at her face, I saw that her eyes were turning red and that there were tears glistening in her eyes..
Perhaps Ace overheard our conversation, so in the night before we slept, Ace said that he wanted to have a talk with me...
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked him. And he said that he wanted to talk about Daddy lor... I asked him why and he said, "Because I love him lah.."
And then Ace asked me if I could ask daddy to come back to Singapore... "Tell daddy to come back to Singapore.. he can make new friends here and then he can find new job lah..."
I told Ace if he goes to Dubai, he can make new friends too.. and so he says Daddy can make new friends as well... And then Ace asked me to tell his dad that he does not want to go do Dubai because he wants to see Yeye, Nai Nai, Popo, Gong gong, Zhen Popo, Ah Yee, Net net, Lao ma, Lao Ghou, Sarina Jie Jie everyday...
I told him I will tell his dad tat when I next talk to him.. "And you dun forget to tell him that I love him okie?"
After a while, he asked me again.. "Can you ask daddy to come back or not? Last time we are happy family but now we are no longer happy family already.. because daddy is not here, we two are so sad..."
After a thoughtful pause though, he asked me seriously... "Mummy, why we keep asking daddy to come back but he dun want to come back? Is it because he dun want to be together with us?" I explained to him that of cos daddy wants to be with us and he misses us so bad he tears sometimes missing us.. it is just tat daddy's boss needs his help and if daddy comes back now, there will be no one helping him in office....
And then after thinking for a while, he says he wants to tell me a story and his story goes like this..
Once upon a time, there was a botak man called Max. He has a wife called Angel and a son called Ace. One day, Max went over to Dubai his work but his lao ban is very bad and dun let him come back.. so Angel is very sad. Ace is very angry and he scold the lao ban. Then the laoban is very scared and he let Max come back and they are together and very happy and Ace is a super hero!
I told Ace that is a nice story but I hope that he understands that in real life, scolding people will not change or help matters.. the only thing it does is let the person you scold know you are very unhappy... but tat is not really very productive... and his reply..
"Yeah, I know.. this is fake life.. not real life.. it is just a story..."
FAINTZ...
But he was still upset because he feels tat the boss has cheated us.. (actually I am guilty of this perception because that is how I explained why daddy is not home yet to him.. cos tat is MY perception.. Max is not too happy about it but i told him if he wanted to change this perception, go talk to his son himself..) Ace keeps being told Daddy is coming back soon but then daddy cannot come back again because his boss "cheated" on us and changed their minds...
I tried to explain to him why Max's boss needs Max there by asking him to put himself in his shoes. "If you had alot of work to do and someone who can help you alot called Max.. will you want to keep him in Dubai to help you or will you send him home to Singapore?" I asked him.. Ace agreed that he would want to keep Max there too if he were the boss...
"So can you forgive him?" I asked Ace..
"Aiyah, tomorrow then talk about this lah.. today I am very tired liao, I want to sleep liao.."
Hahaha.. I dunno where he learnt tat from and dunno whether to luff or cry...
Previous Post: Love Letter From Ace
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