The book states that the law of balance is an innate force in human beings. Therefore, if someone is good to us, we will want to balance it out and also be good to them. But in our asian society, we have been taught to be tolerant.. so when someone is bad to us, even though in our hearts we feel like we also want to be bad to them... we don't and we LUN..
But that is not really a great way to improve relationships. Relationships improve only when there is balance.. so hor, the book says we have to return goodness with goodness and for badness, unless you can truly forgive totally from your heart, if not, you have to return badness for badness... Of cos it is not like if the person sets fire to your house, you set fire back to house too lah...
It is more of a like say if the husband does something wrong to the wife, the wife is free to get angry and share her angry emotions.. (tat is called returning the negativity maturely.)
So as you know, playtime with the neighbours is like the MOST important thing on earth for Ace now.. and for some unknown reason.. for the whole of the week, the neighbour J has been NOT playing with Ace because "Oh, I want to watch tv... "I want to sleep..."... "I want to play with my sister..." and everyday, Ace is willing to sit down and work hard for an hour on extra school work because he practically lives for the time where he can play with them! So of cos, that made him mighty upset and everytime she never play with him.. he will come back and complain to me... annoying me to no end.
For one, I am annoyed the neighbour is so da xiao jie lah.. why create trouble for me.. just play lah... for two, I am annoyed cos no matter how I try to explain to Ace, he just CANNOT feel good about it and keeps whining to me...
I tried to explain that maybe she is tired.. I also explained that girls are like tat, they like to change their minds all the time... I also explained that the world does not revolve around us and so, we cannot expect everyone to do what we want to do.. I also explained we cannot bang our happiness on other people and what they want or dont want to do since we cannot control others.. the only thing we can control is us and we are the ones who decide if we want to be happy.... I even explained that this is a good chance for him to practice his skills of persuasion if he wants to be come spy or president of SIngapore in future...
He might buy it for a while and continue to whine after 5 min.. or stop whining today cos he "got it" but whine again the next day.. most xian is that he will dui wo si.. as if it is my fault he doesnt get to play...
So I really fed up lor.. so the other day, when Ace came home and did the, "J don't want to play with me again.." mantra again.. "She keeps saying she wants to sleep but she not even in her pjs! And she promised but changed her mind just like you said women would... I tried to persuade her and she just dun listen and keep saying she wants to sleep.. I work so hard on homework for what? I am not going to do homework!" and sulked in a corner. I got really fed up and so I told him maybe he should just declare that he doesnt want to play with her for the whole of next week!
And as I said that, this briliant idea came to me! Why didn't I think of that earlier?! Why didn't ask Ace to return negativity with negativity?!
So I gathered myself and told Ace, "Look, you everyday come and complain to me also no use, I am not the one who doesnt want to play with you.... you have to tell J how you feel.. tell her that you are very upset whenever she promises to play and in the end never keep her promise... Tell her how you look forward to playing with her everyday and so disappointed and frustrated when she doesnt want to play..."
So leh, my son said ok and ran out of the house to go and tell her that..
When he came back, he sulked somemore..."She say she don't want to play with me for one year..."
"Huh??" I asked for more details and found out that Ace only asked her why she din keep her promise and asked her to make a choice.. "You choose.. you dun want to play with me one day or one week or one year..." and J chose one year.. Wahahahahhaah
I told him he got it wrong.. he has to share HOW HE FEELS with her.. not ask her to choose what to do...
So out he ran again to tell her how he feels and how upset he is.
Miracles of miracles.. right after he tells her, his tantrum is gone and even though they still decided not to play, to Ace, this matter is "settled" and he was happy to play with me and explore what else he can do in future when J does not want to play with him.
Now that he is in a good mood, I told Ace again he cannot let others dictate what he does or doesnt do.. feel or doesnt feel.. and I also shared with him how when we are in a desperate position, sometimes we put ourselves in a bad position as if we are begging others to do what we want them to do.. the more desperate you are, the more you beg.. the more you beg, usually, the more you wun get it as desperate people are never attractive or persuasive. If we do not feel desperate but have an open heart where it is ok if they play with us and ok if they do not, somehow, we become a more attractive option. "Remember mummy's words in future when you chasing after girls.. must be like flying kite.. sometimes hold tight.. sometimes must let go.." I tell him.
True enough.. now that he has gotten the negativity off his chest, he was being able to be relaxed about it and really feel ok even if she did not want to play with him anymore. Sine that is the case, of course he becomes am attractive option... And I guess you can say it is no surprise to say that the next day, J was the one who came and look for Ace and asked if he wanted to play... and they have been playing everyday after tat!
So I told Ace, "See, what mummy told you is true right?" :D Funnily enough, after that.. J wanted to play everyday... it was as if the whole saga was created just so Ace could learn this good lesson..
Dam.. should have thought of this and done this long ago man.. would have saved me lots of saliva and pain.. wahahahaha:)
PS: The book states that for the Law of Balance to work and nourish our relationships even more, you got to return good for good and return a little bit more than wat you recieve... when you return negativity for negativity, return a little bit less negativity and so, now the other party is little bit in your debt and will so be less negative towards you.. and then you ding dong to and fro till it doesnt matter anymore and both parties will be able to come to a reconciliation. THis little bit you hold back and give more is called love... If you dun believe it works, you can try to apply secretly on your partner.. hahaha. they good to you.. you good to them a little bit more.. if they are mean, show them how you feel but remember tat little bit of love:)
Anyway, the next day when they started playing again, Ace was in a good mood and perhaps because he auto returned less negativity (he is very forgiving person most of the time) and J wanted to play again.. by the next day, he was cool enough about it to want to write her a note that said something like, "I just want to tell you you are still my good friend. I don't really care if you play with me or not but i was just upset yesterday." Hahaahahaha...
Now you go try it and see if it works:)
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