The other day, Ace requested that the whole family wear the family t shirt that we bought... He first asked his dad to wear it and then ran to me and repeated it again.. I told him, "Of course I will since you and daddy are wearing it.."
And his reply surprised me.. "Yeah, we all have to wear the same.. if someone never wear the same, they feel like they don't belong to the family.."
It surprised me because in the book I was translating (I use the word 'was' with pride because I have finally completed my translation!) mentioned the reason why children like to wear the same clothes as their parents and eat the same things or do the same things as their parents is because they unconsciously want to feel a deep sense of belonging. In our children's minds... they believe that by doing the same thing, it will actually mean that they belong to the same team... they feel that as long as they do the same thing, their connection with the family will remain and never be broken.. this sense of loyalty and desire to belong may seem good.. or even harmless it is merely limited to wearing the same penguin tshirts or maybe wanting to eat spicy food just because Daddy love spicy food... or rooting for Liverpool just because Daddy is a fan...
However, it doesnt just stop there. Sometimes, children may mistakenly show their loyalty unconsciously by doing the same things or taking the same paths as their parents. For example, if the father failed in his business, the child might fail in a business too when he grows up.. if they father had a fall and broke his leg before, the child might do that too.... (I am citing real life examples here).
In extreme cases, the child might even follow in death...
Therefore I think it is so important for parents to assure and remind their children that all they ever want is for their children to lead happy and successful lives (which every parent will agree...) and that they will love them even if they are happy and successful and have different lives from them.... just like this saying one of my teacher and friend, Jeff Allen, shared with us.. "Children are like arrows... they are meant to go faster and further than every than their parents..."
Sometimes, Max might come home with an injury on his leg after soccer and the next day, I will find an injury on Ace at a similar position. I always have to remind him that he doesn't need to feel bad about Daddy's injury and suffer the same way because we will want him to be happy, healthy and strong... and we will love him even if he doesnt suffer with daddy.. in fact, we will actually be happier if he stays healthy and happy...
Anyway, I always think it never hurts to say to your child one more time, "I love you no matter what.."
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