I was advised by a very good fren of mine who has very good parenting results to watch The Dog Whisperer to learn how to be a good parent ;)
During my 12 day workshop in Macau, Lency, our trainer (that very good friend).. who has two children in her early twenties was requested to share some parenting tips. She did and it was a really valuable insight into parenting for me :) (I presume she really knows wat she is talking about as her children love to hang out with her and their family seems like a truly bonded happy family .. one of the rare few ones I have seen in my life:) I told Max I would love to grow old and be just like them!)
During her sharing, Lency, also talked about how it is important for parents to have a horizontal relationship with our children. Meaning that we treat our children like our friends. (Click on the link to read about my sharing about becoming The Perfect Parent)
However, as our kids have much lesser life experience than we do, we as parents should step up into the leadership position and lead them. When parents hide and fail to step up into the leadership position, their children have no choice but to step in and become the Alpha Male or the Alpha Female in the family.
As our children do not have the maturity, hell beholds the family who revolve their family around the child. Very often, when put in that position, the children feel frightened and insecure as well.. that is why they will act out and throw tantrums. All they ever think about is themselves and their feelings. They slowly act out the role of a tyrant and become a spoilt brat.
Lency says that it is possible for the same thing to happen to families with dogs too.. so she suggested tat we watch the show, The Dog Whisperer. It is some reality tv series where this person who understands dogs well will go to families who have children like that. Apparently, when the dog whisperer arrives at the family, the dogs will start to bark.. and once he says, "Shh".. the dog suddenly becomes really happy and calm as if "ooh, finally! Here comes the Alpha male and I can follow his lead!" (I think you can find episodes of this show on youtube)
And during the workshop, Lency demonstrated beautifully how to do it when one of the participants went off centre and started behaving like a tyrant. I think the crux of it is tat we as parents have to be in our centres. When we see our children doing something that is off centre or out of integrity, it is ok to tell them like a good friend should.
Instead of criticizing them, nagging at them, we could explain to them how they are off centre and encourage them to make the right decision. We just need to TRUST them and they often know what to do and how to do it... given time and love, nothing cannot be corrected :) Because everytime we criticize them or scold or nag them, we create a distance between ourselves and them. By the time our children are in their teens, the distance can sometimes become so big tat rebellious children just run away from their parents and seek refuge with their friends completely.
Anyway, like wat Jeff said, no matter how we try, we cannot be perfect parents.. we will always make some mistakes along the way.. so a good way to overcome tat and "regain lost ground" to make up for the mistakes in the day is to take a good 20 min everyday to JOIN your kid. Look at them in their eyes and be willing to join them and understand them... hug them and send them love... That way, we will always be bonded closely to them.
When they are upset, do also provide them with "the mother's lap" (i meant it figuratively.. daddies can offer tat as well) for them to bawl out and let out their emotions and just love them.. it would be so helpful for them and they will be very emotionally mature kids:)
I think it is good advice right.. dun you think?
PS: That's a photo of me with Lency and Chuck, while I am graduating from my 100 Day Psychology of Vision Programme :)
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