Mummy, I Don't Want To Grow Up

The other day, Ace and me were in the room and we were having our late night chats again.

Suddenly, Ace told me, "Mummy, I want to stay a child forever.. I don't want to grow up."

"Why?" I asked him, thinking it could be because he enjoys being a child so much he doesnt want to grow up.

"Because if I stay a xiao hai zi (child), then you will never grow old. If you never grow old, then you will never die.."

I was so touched when I heard that.


I explained to Ace, "But Ace, everyone will die one day. You cannot stop yourself from growing up and you cannot stop mummy from growing old. No matter what you do, one day mummy will grow old and one day mummy will die..."


And Ace said, "But I don't want you to die.. I will miss you too much if you die... I want to cry when i talk about this.." and he started to cry.


I hugged him tight and repeated to him that he has to accept that everyone will die. The buddha says tat everyone will go through Death, Aging, Sickness and Death.


But Ace still continued to cry. Finally after another minute or two, he seems to come to terms with the idea and he said,"When you die, I will still go and bai bai (pay respects) you to talk to you and I will tell you how much I love you and how much I miss you."


"Thank you, Ace. Remember that even after mummy die, I will always be still in your heart." I was tempted to go one step furthur and explain idea of everyone being in oneness to him but find it maybe not a good or right time to do so.. given that I dun have the right words to explain to him too..

"Mummy, how come lao ma so old already but she still haven't die?" I explained then that not all old people die. They will eventually die but everyone dies at a different time. The time you die is determined by whether the person takes good care of their health and stays healthy, whether they are hit by an accident, whether they are down with disease and sometimes whether they choose to continue living.


I told Karen Ganma about this and she said that she also cried when she realized one day that her parents will eventually die. I dun remember crying even though I remembering having this awareness one day in my childhood.


I am just basically very touched by Ace's love for me. Thank you so much, Ace ;) You are the bestest son in the whole wide world!

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