No Wanna Hold Hands

The other day, the car pool parent messaged me and told me she had an important work related meeting to attend and will not be able to fetch the kids. She asked if I could fetch them instead and so I said ok lor..

I asked if Max is free to meet for lunch and pick the kids and he said he will confirm with me on the actual day.

Lucky for me, Max was free to do the pick up and also free to do lunch.. so we went for lunch and then I got off the car to do the pick up while max waited in the car.

I went to pick Ace, and then his friend in another class.... and then as we walked out of the classroom, I held up my hand to hold Ace's hand like I usually do when we are out. My son paused for one second (as if he was thinking) and pull back his hand last minute.

"Wah.. cannot hold your hand in school ah?" I asked him.. and he says, "No need lah..."

And then we walked out of school compound already, I told him got car around the area, have to hold my hand.. and so he hold lor..

It occured to me suddenly that it has started.. he has started to show signs of being embarrassed to be seen holding his mum's hand.. and he is only 8! Sigh.. wonder when he will feel embarrassed to hug and kiss me....

Anyway, I told him if he is embarrassed I can understand becos I understand as boys come up, there is a phase where they might feel embarrassed and after tat phase, usually they are ok again.

When we reached home though, I asked him why he did not want to hold my hand... I asked if he was embarrassed... "No lah.." he said.. and then he said that it is really because when we are inside school compound... it is safe, so dun need to hold hands.. cos outside of school, kidnappers may come and take him away.. so must hold hands lor..  I asked him "Really ah?"

"Why? you dun believe me ah.. is it because I lied once in school and you don't believe me?? " he asked me in a somewhat exaggerated tone.. I then explained to him that I did not believe him because:
1) I can see his expression that he is in defensive mode and hiding something from me
2) He is speaking using exaggerated tone like someone who has something to hide..
 not because of he lie in school or not..

PLUS.. he kept trying to change topic when I asked him this question!:) wahahaha..

I told Max about it and the other day while he was alone with Ace, he also asked Ace this question.. he told me that Ace gave him an uneasy laugh as a reply...

And one night while we were doing our usual chat before bedtime, because I knew this was the time where his heart is most open, I asked him again and told him that I wouldnt be upset or angry.. if he is embarrassed, he can tell me because we have that type of mother and son relationship where we can tell each other anything.

And then he said, "Ok lah, I tell you lah.. I was embarrassed to hold your hand cos Z was there beside us. When his mum picks us, she just carries his bag and they don't hold hands..."

I told him diff people express love and have different styles mah.  So I asked him why he did not tell me outright when I asked him...

"I was embarrassed to tell you that I am embarrassed because I was afraid you might feel hurt..."

I told him I am not hurt lah.. I understand... next time if he feels embarrassed about something, just whisper to my ear that he is embarrassed and I wun do it.. if he told me the truth the first time, I wouldnt have kept asking him the question so many times:) wahahahaha...

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