I Love Daddy Very Much

If your name is Max and you are the Daddy of a certain little boy named Ace Chua.. my best suggestion is that you only read this at home.. or in some place where you can privately do whatever you like...

Today, I was out running errands and could not manage to be back in time and so I got my mum to bring Ace to his swimming lesson. After his lesson, Ace requested to go to the baby pool and play..

According to my mum, he scanned the pool and he was attracted to this particular pair of father and son who were playing together in the pool. He went near them and talked loudly and tried to talk to both the son and father and he kept trying to get their attention till they were finally playing together with him and he did not want to leave the swimming pool until they left.

So after that, my mum bathed him and while they were changing clothes, he told my mum, "Popo, I am so sad... because my daddy is so far away..." So my mother suggested that maybe we can ask his Yi Zhang to bring him swimming the next week and he agreed.

When I came home, when I was alone in the kitchen, my mum came in to tell me teh story in hokkien so that Ace will not understand what we are talking about. When I heard that, I made a mental check in my mind to talk to Ace about this.

So at night, Ace wanted me to sleep with him and I decided to touch on the subject by asking him, "I heard from popo that you miss daddy and that you are very sad he is far away..."

And before I could continue, Ace started to rub his eyes.. and then he started to cry and cry and cry and cry and he just cried non stop for the next 10-15 minutes and below is the conversation we had...

(While crying very very sadly)
Ace: Mummy, I love daddy very much.. why is daddy in dubai... why daddy go to dubai.. I don't want daddy to go dubai... I love daddy to be in Singapore... I want to show him all my new toys.. I want to play with him....

Me: Daddy went to dubai to work, Ace...

Ace: (hugging me and crying in my arms) I don't want daddy to go dubai.. why he go dubai.. I want him in singapore...I want him to work in singapore, mummy.. I love daddy very much.. I love daddy very much... I love daddy and I love you very much...

Me : (starting to tear and cry...) Yes, I know... Aiyah, see, you make mummy cry as well..

Ace: I am so sorry mummy... I do so many naughty things and I am a naughty boy... I am so sorry. I don't want to do naughty things anymore, I want to be a good boy. I want daddy to be in Singapore...

Me: (tearing uncontrollably) No, Ace.. it is not your fault.. Daddy had to go to Dubai to work to make money for us... he did not leave because you are a naughty boy.. it is not your fault at all.... I miss him too...

Ace: Why daddy go dubai to work..

Me: Daddy coming back soon in august...

Ace: August is so far, I cannot wait.. I want to see daddy now. I want to go dubai now.. I want daddy to come singapore now....

Me: Okie, I will tell daddy to come back soon ok?

Ace: (while still crying very sadly) Thank you mummy.. I love daddy very much.. I love daddy very much.. I love you very much.. I am so sorry, mummy.. I don't want to be a naughty boy anymore...

Me: It is not your fault.. remember what mummy told you.. mummy love you no matter what, you are not a naughty boy.. you are a good boy... and daddy will always love you and daddy is not far away.. he is in your heart, remember?

Ace: (nods his head) I love daddy very much, mummy.. I really love him very much.. but august is so far away, I cannot wait...

Me: Okie, I will ask daddy to come back quickly ok? You sleep now and tommorrow when you wake up, you will feel better...

(Ace finally quiets down and as I pat him to sleep. I have never seen Ace cry this much or this long over something in my entire life. I cannot help but cry and cry and cry as I feel his pain and guilt gets better of me for not being able to let him be with his daddy... Ah Yee having heard the commotion and having heard what he said came in to pat him and sayang him... Suddenly Popo comes in and she asks, "What happen?" which by then I was crying so hard I cannot talk already and popo said to Ace, "Aiyah, you see, you make mummy cry already.. I thought you promise daddy to take care of mummy?")

Ace: (Starts to cry again) I love daddy.. why daddy go dubai.. I don't want him to go dubai... I am so sorry I am a naughty boy.. I don't want to do naughty things again, I want daddy tocome back....

And I tried to pacify Ace again and remind him that he is not at fault and after a while, he fell asleep...

I guess he must have been really tired and his subconscious mind got better of him. Even though it breaks my heart to hear him say how he felt, I am so proud of him that he could express himself so well and I am glad he had this little outlet to vent out his frustrations than to hold it in....

Meanwhile, Ah Yee went to chide Waipo for making Ace cry again and also told Ace that Daddy did not leave because of what he did..and that daddy loves him alot too and miss him alot and is probably crying when he is missing him too... and Waipo apologized cos she only heard crying and did not hear what Ace said earlier...

Maybe we should bring forward our visit to dubai... and maybe we should rediscuss our plans...

I will make it a point to discuss this issue with him and I think it is at least important to get the guilt about daddy being away because he is a naughty boy straightened out. No one ever told him that or said that to him.. i wonder how he got the idea...

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