Friday, January 20, 2017

My Friend Bully Me

Today, Ace came home from school and said someone bullied him. I found it is not bully la.... is just got into some squabble with him..

When I asked him what happened.. he said a classmate got into some argument with him and then started calling him stupid... and mocking at him and saying things like "You always want to go and die.. and commit suicide..."

So he said he needed to chill... so I let him be lor..

Later in the evening, I asked him what happened... And then he told me the story..

Apparently, his friend got offended when Ace said he is a noob at something.. I think some game.. so he told Ace that Ace is very irritating... and then he kept saying he is very pro and very good at some game and said Ace is a noob.. and because Ace is so self righteous  (Because Ace thinks he is such a pro and definitely not a noob, and he felt like the persons he was talking about are really new to the game and therefore rightly noob), he was upset..

So he started talking back... and it is you say this, and I will say that.. and it finally got to the point where Ace said, "Can you stop? I am trying to finish my work?" and the friend said, "Ok, I will stop if you stop..."

So Ace said he stopped and did his work. Then the friend came and called him stupid and laughed at him and mocked him for trying to kill himself... And Ace got really angry...

And then finally, he got so angry he told the guy "GKY!"
(I dunno wat tat means and my son says it means Go Kill Yourself)

The squabble finally ended when teacher noticed they were talking about to each other and asked the fren to change seats with someone else:) haha..

After I got the story, I asked Ace why was it that though he already knew his friend did not like him to call him a noob, why did he antagonize his friend by doing that?

He said by then he was really irritated and upset...that is why he tried to "win" the squabble...

And then I asked him why was he upset when his friend said he is stupid and laughed at him for his attempt to suicide... "If is you, you not upset meh, mummy? If someone say you stupid and laugh at you say you always want to go and die.. you not angry meh?"

I told him I wun be very angry cos I know I am not stupid and I never ever tried to commit suicide before mah:) And he said he was really offended lor...

I asked Ace then why did he react in anger and tell people to GKY? He said it was because he already tried to keep his cool and keep calm and that boy kept coming back and so he finally cannot take it anymore.

I told Ace there might be other better strategies to deal with it so now that he is not upset.. maybe he can think about wat other strategies he could have applied in this situation. I told him I am asking him to think now because I am sure this fren knows this is a hot button and will come back and say something similar the next time they get into a fight...

Initially he gave me stupid replies like "Oh, take a scissors and slit his throat?" To which I repeat.. "Ok, goodbye for the next 20 years... or goodbye till your next life if you going to prison forever. I told him to be serious lah..

But it seems like he did not have any good solutions.

So I shared with him.. if I were him, likely I will remember that the rule of the game is to ignore him. Because once you react, you fall into his trap, his purpose of saying all tat is to antagonize you mah.. so you can tell him "I am going to stop talking to you because you are very mean!" And treat him as invisible after tat! Hahahaha..

Another thing I might do is I will raise my hands and ask teacher if I can change seats because I cannot concentrate at this seat.

And then he said that is something he might do the next time this happens.

Finally also, he told me afterwards, he went to the school counselor and told him about what the friend said cos school counselor told him before to go to him if anyone said anything about the suicide attempt to him.

Then I also told Ace that he might want to give it more thought the next time he used the word NOOB.. I know it officially means tat someone is a newbie... but it does seem like some people think of it negatively as like you are saying that they are bad at something or looking down on them... (that is why they get upset mah) so maybe he might want to give it more thought the next time he wants to use this word on anyone.

And then afterward, we were talking about his relationship with this friend....

He said he saw the friend with the grandmother and went to say HI... "You did not say anything else to the grandma?" His dad asked... "No lah.. just say hi lah.. treat others how you want to be treated mah..."

Then as we continued chatting, Ace told me that there was once where the grandma was kind of  upset at Ace. They were all on the same bus and this friend said some swear word.. so the grandma looked shock and asked that fren "Who taught you tat?" And the fren whispered to his grandma "Ace said that first.. " And the grandma shot a look at Ace...

So Ace asked the grandma "Why do you look at me like tat?" And the grandma asked "DId you say that or teach him to say tat?" And Ace said "No, of course I did not.." And this fren kenna scolding from his grandma and dad afterward for this...

I was a little amused... Cos I think my son very got ji... he actually asked adult "why you look at me like tat?" Hahahahaha...  I think I wouldnt have dared to do that... and will quietly keep everything in... My son is more vocal than me.. and his dad... and I dunno if that is a good thing or not ;) But I guess it is good to stand up for yourself.

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